Quite a few people have been asking me about love and relationship and even on the topic of soulmates
And they are totally in the idea of “The One”
However it isn’t really the case of a single soulmate or the one (least for my perspective)
Think about it, the idea of only 1 individual in the entire world is meant for you just doesn’t seem right for me
Although I believe there are such things as soulmates
First of all, there are several soulmates that can exist with us and be there with us
But, it doesn’t mean we get to be with all of them
We have to touch on reincarnation and past lives for a bit
And when we look into that, then we can sort of understand that soulmates can be with many people
This is because not everyone will be reincarnated at the same time
Or even the same gender as before
If you believe in only “The One”, then you end up with the possibility of a single soulmate that’s older than you by 40 years, younger than you by 30 years, same gender as you, across the world, or haven’t been born
So this doesn’t gel well with me hence I believe there are multiple soulmates for us
And in each life that reincarnates, we may encounter different soulmates (different souls)
Or even we may encounter several soulmates even in the same life!
This is especially if you found a mutual attraction, especially an unexplained one with random people you meet!
And yea, they can be same gender, much more older or younger than you, you feel that affinity for each other 🙂
And if you are really lucky (in a way) you can find someone that you can be with for the rest of your life <3
Some people may actually find a strong deep connection with several of their lovers, and this is because (potentially anyway) they got into a relationship with several soulmates!
The tricky thing is the time of each person, perhaps they met at the “wrong time” of their lives, and hence why they broke up in the end
So the real question you might be wondering is
How do you figure if this person you are with is your soulmate?
As I mentioned earlier, we have to understand how the soulmate system might work
So there is this possibility that you may not be with your soulmate, but a really good match will be good enough
Otherwise the “hunt” or “journey” to love might seem never ending o.O
What’s more crucial is understanding yourself and your relationship values
Relationship values are things that you see as important or a “must have” in the relationship
Key note, there is a difference between relationship values and values you see in your partner
Let’s use honesty as a value, if your relationship value is honesty, this means your partner is honest with you and you are honest with him or her too
However if you value honesty in your partner, what if your partner is very honest in his or her business dealings, friends and family, but not with you?
Would you still accept such a person even though he is naturally honest just not with you?
We can have the inverse thought experiment
Would you still accept a person who is honest with you through and through but lies in his job or business
Do this activity with me
Get a piece of paper and pencil, or write in your phone, what comes up when you answer this question
“What’s important to you in a relationship?”
You might get a few values out first, but I want you to be able to write down at least 7 values
Truth be told, most people get a lot of value and meaning out of this activity by writing down 10 or more values
If you have an “and” in an answer, split it up into 2 separate values
So one of my clients did this exercise with me, and she wrote this as one of her values
“Emotional, intellectual and sexual compatibility”
This was originally in number 6 of her list of values, and when we reordered the list according to her unconscious mind, she was surprised
Emotionally compatible was number 9
Sexually compatible was number 10
Intellectually compatible was number 12
Another example was when this lady wrote the values of love, communication, connection as her top 3 values, and again this is from the conscious mind
And when I asked her if this is enough for a relationship, she can feel it’s huge no, however, she couldn’t explain why
Which is fine, that’s normal
This is what we call a conscious and unconscious disconnect
That’s why it’s so important to reorder the list of relationship values that we found to align the conscious and unconscious minds
Well first we had to expand on her list (she only had 7 values in the beginning by herself) and we added more values until she had 12
And when we reordered the list of relationship values, affection was her number 1 value
Different words have different meaning, and sometimes we tend to link them up together, like love and affection
However she realize that she was seeking affection in the relationship, not so much love
Love is the emotion, you can feel it in a way, whereas affection to her was the sweet acts of intimacy that she desires
The moment I asked her if that was enough, affection, she gave a resounding yes!
So by now I hope you have a list of relationship values to play with, numbered from 1 to x where x is your last value
“If you only have the number 1 value and nothing else, in the relationship, is that enough?”
Either you get a feeling from your unconscious mind a yes or a no, not sure or something missing is a no
If you get a yes, congrats, that’s your number one value
If you get a no or not sure, we can find it in a moment by asking this question
“Between 2 values a and b, which one is more important?”
So now you have to let your unconscious mind help you to figure out this list and reorder those values
For each one that is more important, ensure that the more important one is above
For example, for the initial case of emotional, sexual and intellectual compatibility, she felt that emotional was more important, followed by sexual and intellectual
And one of her other values, self awareness was less important that sexual and more important that intellectual, which is why it was number 11 in her list
You got to do this to find your true number one value (if your previous number one is a no), followed by the 2nd, 3rd etc until you settled your list of relationship values
Now why is this important?
Once you found your list, you can see if the value is been met or fulfilled in the relationship
If the top 1, or 2 or 3 values are met, that’s awesome!
Even if you don’t think he or she is your soulmate, that’s a pretty decent love and relationship right there 😀
If your top 1 and 3 values are met but not the 2nd, that’s still pretty ok because your number 1 is met
What if your top 3 values are not met and maybe value number 6 is met?
You might want to consider relooking into this relationship through a heart to heart talk with your partner
Perhaps it is something that he or she can do, or perhaps he or she need to do this activity to figure out what he or she is looking for in a relationship too
Worse case, both of your values are not met or fulfilled in which case, you both need to figure out how to improve this relationship or risk a break up
And that’s my take on love and relationship
Doing this activity and ensuring that your relationship values are been met, whether it’s coincidental or whether you need to have a discussion with your partner about it can help you take the right steps and actions to having a more beautiful loving relationship
Rather than harping on where or who is your soulmate or wondering if this partner is the one, which may create more worry and stress in the worse case scenario
Til next time, stay safe and feel free to PM me anything 🙂