Why Do My Problems Get Bigger… And BIGGER?

Presentation WhyY


That’s probably the biggest question on everyone’s minds

If you are reading this, you probably had this question in your mind before

Where you see your problems and issues just grow before your very eyes

Or perhaps you know of your friends and loved ones whose issues keep growing and growing

And the end result ain’t pretty isn’t it?

If a person with issues doesn’t get the right help

It seems the issues generally grow into big issues like


Panic Attacks

Mental Breakdowns

Or more

Of course, the clearest advice is get the right help

But still, the question does remain

Why do our problems keep getting bigger?

presentation lee mcking thinking hard

Even, think about it, even with help 

We learn how to manage our growing problems

Very few helplines actually help to solve the problems so that it no longer exists

I want to address this question today

In fact, this is one of the main things I share in my chit chat sessions with my clients

Because I want my clients to know how their mind works

And when we know better, we do better!

Knowledge is power

Although I think application of that knowledge is more powerful

Anyway, let’s get right into it

Lee McKing explains adult mind

First off, we have a conscious mind and an unconscious mind

The conscious mind is like a gatekeeper, the more logical part of the mind that decides whether to accept or reject new information

Especially as you are likely to be an adult, as you are reading this, you can choose whether to accept this information or not

Now the unconscious mind is more like a computer program, it runs in the background

It has the programs for your emotions, values, beliefs, patterns, memories etc etc

So what happens is that new information get accepted or rejected via the conscious mind and any new information gets into the unconscious mind, where the unconscious mind can run internal filters and other programs to check the new information and see if it wants to accept or reject based on past old information

Ahem… that was a chunk

Essentially, you can choose to accept or reject and if you accept, your unconscious mind will check what I say with what you already know

Easy right?

The tricky bit comes in when we look at our growth through the ages

You see, from 0 to 9 years of age, our conscious mind is not fully formed

Generally speaking, young children at that age usually listen to parents first and teachers second

Meaning, whatever the parents say, can go straight into the unconscious mind

Because the logical conscious mind says, “Whatever my daddy or mummy says is right”

And the unconscious mind has no past previous information to tally the incoming information, so it absorbs and assimilates the new information to form new programs based on this

Meaning, we learn directly from our parents, their behaviours, emotional states, patterns etc etc

And generally, boys learn from fathers and girls from their mothers, although it’s possible for cross gender learning too

Lee McKing explains child's mind

So in a way yes, you are a pretty good copy of your parent

So… now what?

How does this relates to our problems growing bigger right?

We’ll break into 2 problems

Emotions and patterns (behaviours or other similar patterns)

Emotions first

Generally speaking, I like to use this metaphor

During this young age, there are seeds being planted in our minds

These seeds are seeds of emotion

There is a seed of love, of hate

Of sadness, happiness

Of anger, fear

You get the picture

Now what’s happening is this

As we grow up, we experience events

And events can instil in us an emotion or two

What happens is that such events that bring an emotion or two will add water and fertiliser to the seed

seeds grow into trees and bears fruit

So the seed grows 

And grows

Into a sapling

Into a tree

And bears fruit

That’s where shit hits the fan

Let’s use sadness for an example

Seed of sadness can grow slowly if the person feels sad once a while (say missing parent or lack of love from a parent)

Or might grow fast with lots of water and mega fertiliser when something big happens (like a grandparent passes away and experience huge amounts of grief and sadness)

Eventually it becomes a tree and it may bear a fruit

The seed of sadness grows into a tree of sadness and bears the fruit of depression

Similarly, the seed of anxiety can grow into the tree of anxiety and bears the fruit of panic attacks

And now that you think of it this way

You might also realize that conventional methods of medication or therapy might be more of cutting off the fruits or branches but not fully removing the tree

There might be some methods that can help to remove the original seed though

And these seeds of emotion happen naturally for anyone

At least you also understand how a 20 year old might get panic attacks or depression (due to harsh tragic circumstances) and how a much older 50 year old might fall into depression with no known cause

It’s a natural progression

So yea anyone can get it

Before you ask me for help or a solution, let me share about the patterns problem first

Now patterns are slightly different from emotions

Patterns are usually things we learn during childhood too but can also be learnt at later ages

An example might be a girl getting raped and the pattern of being adverse to a man’s touch is developed or learnt

Due to the complexity of patterns, say the difference between relationship patterns and money patterns, I will not go too deep into this

So a generic overview is this

Similarly, we learn patterns from our parents

How our parents speak, the choice of words

Their behaviours towards each other or to their children

The presence of someone or lack of

The topics commonly discussed in the house

Can all create potential patterns, whether good or bad

However, just like how I gave the example earlier

Patterns can also be learnt instantly through a tragic or traumatic incident

Patterns can also grow like seeds, into trees

Only I tend to use the metaphor of a live rock

real path through the unconscious mind

Say there is a live rock in the middle of your path 

Sometimes you trip on it, sometimes you don’t

Interestingly enough, you either did not have the idea to remove it, of you tried and it has deep roots that make it hard to come out

And it’s a live rock

It grows

With each interaction with this rock

A trip

A pull

A knock

It grows

Bigger and bigger

Until you have to either climb over the rock

Or walk around it

Thinking you can ignore

Yet it grows even more

Presentation steep mountain

Until it seems like it’s a mountain 

And shit

You realize you are stuck and cannot get through

You tried digging a tunnel

Just whack through!

It seems to fill up the next day

That’s the problem with pattern problems

Emotion problems are like trees and pattern problems are like rocks

So how do you solve such things?

Ideally you find someone who knows what they are doing

To help you identify where the possible roots come from

To be able to guide you to the past

And resolve completely from the get go

Whether it’s me, a counsellor or a psychologist

It’s up to you who you feel most comfortable with

Anyway, the main point of this article is to share with you how problems grow bigger

Lee McKing chatting with a female client NLB

And if you learnt something from this 


And maybe you will like to share with a friend who needs an eye opener too

Cheers and have a great day ahead! 🙂

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