Of course, there are quite a few factors or reasons that may break a relationship up
And the obvious ones can be cheating, lying, abuse etc
Since you probably already know some of the obvious reasons
I thought to share a hidden reason
One which most people might not be aware of
Yet they might do often?!
Scary isn’t it?
Other than hearing my clients’ share about their relationships
You can see and hear it happening in the public space too
That’s how unaware people are about it
Yea they might stick around regardless of it
But in the end… it tears them from inside
There can be emotional hurt and pain
Or there is a sense of a barrier, a drift between the couple
And that’s why you need to be aware of it now
This hidden destroyer of relationships is none other than sarcasm
Huh?!
Yes, sarcasm!
I’ll share why in a moment but let me share a case first
Several years ago a lady came to me wondering why her husband wanted to divorce her
She was thinking to use hypnosis to find the memory of what happened
What went wrong?
You’ll be surprised how often this type of requests pop up
Anyway, before we do any form of hypnosis, I need to clarify a few things
“I want to ask… have you been sarcastic to your husband before?”
“No I never”
“Ok, then what led to the divorce?”
“I don’t know! We just started drifting apart one day and then suddenly divorce!”
“Things don’t usually happen suddenly so roughly when did this drift begin?”
“Hmm… maybe about 5 years ago?”
“Did anything happen 5 years ago?”
“No… it’s just that one day I angry at him then I sarcastic to him“
“Ok so to clarify, you were sarcastic to him and then what happened?”
“Then he sarcastic back to me“
“And then?”
“Then we angry at each other more often and argue more often…”
“And that’s what led to the divorce”
“Yea!”
“I’m curious… you actually were sarcastic to your husband before… why did you answer no in the beginning?”
“I thought it was nothing“
Well as you can see from the conversation with her, she thought being sarcastic was nothing and thus didn’t tell me the truth in the beginning
More importantly, it was that being sarcastic at her husband led him to get angry and be sarcastic back
And the chain reaction of sarcasm causes more anger and arguments in the household
Now I know you might be thinking
“But I sarcastic with my partner and we just playing around only!”
Let’s understand what happens with sarcasm and then we might understand the situation a bit better
Essentially we have 2 minds, the conscious mind and unconscious mind
The conscious mind is logical while the unconscious mind is emotional
I’m keeping it simple here hahaha if you want a deeper understanding, you can read it here
Anyway, when someone is sarcastic to you, your conscious mind can understand it is just a joke, it’s playing, he/she doesn’t mean it etc etc
However, your unconscious mind might still feel the hurt, the pain
Because words can hurt, even if done playfully
A random example will be a bully think it is just playing around with another person, while the victim feels hurt, pain, shame, guilt etc
In the above married couple example, the husband’s unconscious mind was hurt by what the wife said
Vice versa, when he sarcastically comment back at her, she got hurt too
If both are hurting each other with their sarcasm, naturally it will produce anger
Because anger is the emotion that assist with defense and power
And we note the chain reaction from one sarcastic comment
Leading to hurt and anger and more arguments over time
Which eventually can lead to a break up in the relationship or a divorce
Of course, another example of a break will be when the couple sleep in different rooms in the house instead
It’s not an actual break, but more of a physical and emotional distance from each other
Silence
Since talking to each other has become naturally sarcastic, angry and potentially even spiteful
And while it might be one time for that lady when she came to see me
I have had a few other people come with a similar background
No obvious reasons like cheating, lying, abuse etc
But the hidden factor of sarcasm was lurking and they eventually break up
They don’t feel the love anymore (in a way)
Of course, some people might feel more love with sarcasm
More likely so if the parents were sarcastic to each other or to their children when they were growing up
While on the surface this seems fine
Internally, there is a conflict
Of love and pain
Feeling love with sarcasm and yet feeling pain with sarcasm
Yes, it is possible they might not divorce either
And just continue to live a life of love and pain in the family
You know, that love hate relationship thing
Which can pass down to their children as a form of generational or family trauma
Of course, some people might think that once married you got a duty and responsible to stay together no matter what happens
But it’s tough to be in a marriage with no love and only pain…
That leaves only heartache
You can change this!
Now, if you can, reduce the amount of sarcasm you have
Technically if you can stop that will be best, but stopping is a huge task so reducing for now is fine
Be aware of certain aspects or areas where you cannot be sarcastic about
Like if your partner is insecure about their looks, then any jokes or sarcasm about it will be extremely hurtful
Finally, come from a place of love
Is it love if you intend to hurt your partner with words?
The answer is no
So if you thinking to say something, hold for a moment and think whether it is coming from a place of love, whether it might hurt your partner or not
And if it will hurt your partner, change those words
It ain’t easy but it is possible!
And of course, besides love relationships, it also applies to family, friends, and even coworkers!
Imagine if you have a colleague who is always poking you with sarcasm!
Naturally after a while it feels draining, hurtful and uncalled for
Or if you grew up with a sarcastic family!
The child will not know what is “love” and might associate “love” with saying hurtful words
If you are the one who is often sarcastic and do find that people seem to leave you for some reason?
Well at least you know why now, and hence, it is time to change it
I wish you the best, although of course, if you need a bit of help to change from the unconscious level, just PM me and we’ll arrange something 🙂
Take care!
