I seldom actually share about such things but there have been some requests about the art of persuasion so here it is!
Of course if you want to learn such persuasion techniques, I do hope you use it with good intentions
For example you might want to convince your crush to go out on a date with you
Or perhaps you want to get the sale and earn those commissions!
I just hope you do not use such techniques with the wrong intent
Such as attempting to lie and manipulate people for your own wrongful desires
Now of course you might find some of the tips better to improve sales and business
And you might find others better to calm your lover or spouse faster
Learn them and practice!
That’s a key too HAHA
Especially if you want to be effective in persuading people
Ok without further ado, here are the Top 10 Tips to improve your Persuasion Skills
1. Learn to say their name right
You won’t be surprised how often people’s impression of someone who just butchered their name and didn’t bother to know how to pronounce correctly just falls to the ground and might not even sprout anymore
Ok I exaggerate but you get the picture
If you are not sure how to say their name, ask
It’s perfectly fine to spend some time to ensure you got the right person and the right name before continuing the conversation
This shows that you respect them and their identity
And thus, they are more willing to listen to you
I once had a call from an insurance agent and he asked what’s my name
However he misheard it and didn’t check how to spell or pronounce it correctly
You can imagine how I felt later when he not only said the wrong name, he texted a completely different name!
2. Say their name at most twice
You can tell how important I’m emphasizing the name hahaha
And yes, you only say it at most twice
One at the beginning of the conversation, and one at the end of the conversation
If it’s a super long conversation, like 2 hours, maybe you can say one more time in the middle
But that’s super unlikely
And I know what you are thinking
“McKing, are you sure it’s only 2 times? Cause I read online that you got to keep saying the name throughout the conversation!”
Well, imagine someone came to talk to you for only 10 minutes and every sentence he/she said your name
How irritating is that?!
And that’s why I’m emphasizing it in this list
The first time you call them by their name is minimum of respect
The second time (if you want to) is to show you remembered their name
It shows that they are important to you
That you care
So yea, minimum is once, maximum is twice
Don’t wear it out
3. Use open body language
Well, this doesn’t work on a call HAHAHA
Obviously it works better in face to face conversations
I actually gave a body language workshop a couple of times and it’s a hugely deep topic
But the short version of open body language is to show you are honest and truthful to them
And because you are open with them, they are more willing to trust you too
These include opening of the hands, showing the inner wrists, instead of closed body language like crossing of arms
Similarly, if you are sitting, crossed legs can signify closed body language
Now this also means that if you are trained well in it, you can spot when the person you are talking to is not wanting to listen to you or not agreeing with what you said
Then you got to do something about it right?
For further reading on body language, here’s how to read body language like a pro!
4. Mirror sparingly
And no I don’t mean use the mirror to see your face whether got any vegetables in your teeth or not
Although actually you can check your teeth if you need to do sales
Anyway, what I mean is the mirroring of body language
Like I said, it’s a huge topic
So mirroring and matching are found in building of rapport with someone
And the problem is that people use it excessively!
Mirroring is exactly as it sounds
You mirror the other person’s behavior or body language
Done excessively, and it might feel like you are making fun of them or appearing robotic and awkward yourself
Which is why I say to use it sparingly
If the other person move their right hand, and you move your left hand, that’s mirroring
However if the other person move their right hand and you move your right hand as well, that’s matching
To be honestly, we humans build rapport naturally already so too much of controlled mirroring and matching is rather off-putting
I rather you spot when they mirror or match you, cause that means you are leading and to some extent, in control of the conversation or situation
This also means you can focus more on the conversation flow, rather than copying their behaviors
5. Be confident
ClichĆ© I know but I’ve seen a lot of sales people who claimed to have gone to persuasion or sales workshops but their matter of speaking is not confident at all
If they don’t sound confident, it can reflect that they are not confident in themselves, or not confident in the product or service they are offering
Then how do they make the sale?
Of course, if you want to persuade your wife to let you go with the guys to watch football, and you don’t sound confident, what’s the most likely response?
Or how can you sell the idea of travelling to Maldives to your husband if you don’t sound confident?
Now sounding confident is one thing, but being confident makes you sound confident naturally
In the worse case scenario, lack of confidence might stem from low self-esteem or self-worth issues, which may require a more personal therapy session so let’s not talk about this now
(But you can PM me about it)
To sound more confident, avoid using filler words like “um, uh, ah, you know” etc
There are quite a few filler words so you can Google them if you want
Here’s another tip to sound confident and it relates to filler words
Just pause and be silent
You see, some people use filler words, in particular “um, uh” because they want to avoid “awkward silence”
They don’t know what to say yet so they make a sound while they are thinking
Stop that
If you do that stop it ok?
Just pause and be ok with the silence to think
For one, ironically, you seem more confident and more sure if you are silent
And sometimes, pausing at the right time can enhance and emphasize a point you want to make
Of course, if you can completely remove such filler words that will be great, but cutting down by half will be an excellent step forward at it is
Doing this will portray your confidence and improve your skill at persuasion!
6. Ask open ended questions
Open ended questions allow you to understand the other party much more better
So yea, don’t ask questions that is answerable with a “yes, no, maybe” as much as possible
In fact, depending on circumstances, you want them to share more details about what’s happening, or their concerns etc
Other than you understanding them better, knowing the angle to go in to help them understand a new concept or idea which can improve your persuasion tremendously
For example, if a potential client were to say they don’t have enough money, you can choose to leave it there and lose the client, or you can ask “Why? What’s been happening?”
Of course the client may or may not share their story
If they choose not to share their story, they could be lying about having no money, or they feel it’s rather private and personal at the moment and don’t trust you enough yet
In which case, you know you got more to practice
And if they share their story, you might have some advice to help them tide through, or refer them to someone who can help them, depending on the situation of course
You might even help them to relook from a different perspective about the situation!
Ok that sounds more like the role of a therapist hahahaha
But hey, sometimes you might get a friend who is feeling low and negative and this might help them to change their mindset and perspective
So you never know how you might help them some day
7. Use The Yes Set Principle
You have no idea how often I see this being done by insurance agents, property agents, salespeople in general
This is currently being taught as a sales or persuasion technique but it originates from hypnosis where we use this principle to hypnotize people
Now I shall point you to read this article where I allowed myself to be conned by 2 con men and how they use this same Yes Set Principle
So yea, it’s being used everywhere
If you ever been to those workshops where they want you to respond loudly with a “Yes!” every time they ask a question, that’s them using the Yes Set Principle
Of course, they tend to use it rather aggressively
And I disagree with such excessive and aggressive usage
The general principle is that the other party is in agreement with you and thus it is easier to share a new idea for them to agree with
Technically, you don’t need them to say “Yes!” ~
Just make statements which they will wholeheartedly agree regardless whether they answer or not
Like you are reading this right now
Probably on a phone or a tablet
And you must be extremely interested to learn this
Because otherwise, why else are you here on my site?
Yea?
This is a powerful principle to practice with especially when you combine it with the other persuasion tips here
And if you want to learn even more persuasive language, there’s a video here on the 5 Hypnotic Words
Which you can learn and use to really amp up your skills~
8. “You’re right and…”
For this one I’ll admit it might not be the most easy to use, but if you know the right time to apply it, it is magic
This is especially great when conversations between you and the other party are on differing ideas and points of view
Which is why it can be tricky to use
Cause you might be feeling upset or even angry that they don’t understand you or don’t seem to be listening to you
Now if you are able to have a handle on your emotions, and able to apply this, it can potential diffuse or at least reduce any rising tensions
When you say “You are right” you are agreeing with them, and this reduces any tensions or anger because there is no reason to be angry when both are in agreement with each other right?
And no, I don’t like to use the phrase “Let’s agree to disagree” cause whoever is using it has a closed off mind
Then no one learns, not me, not you, and definitely not the other person
It just stops the conversation… cold
Going back to the tip, “and” is linking whatever ideas you might have and want to share
You see, since you agreed with them with their idea, then they might be more open to hear you out and agree with you too
Of course, it can be dependent on the topic and they might not be agreeable to it straight away but it is starting to open
But you can see how this aids in persuasion
And in fact, this also leads into…
9. Seeding an idea
Essentially, you are planting a seed of an idea in their minds and that’s good enough!
Be patient because even if they don’t change their perspective or accept your ideas now, they will eventually
This is because once the idea is seeded in their mind, it will take root and slowly grow
Now be careful with this
Because you can seed good or bad ideas
Sadly, although you might only be learning about this now, there have been people who have planted their own seeds in your mind already
Such as your parents, friends, colleagues etc
Whether it’s a good idea or a bad idea, it could have been done unintentionally
Here’s an example of the application
With one of my exes, she was sharing about an issue she was facing and I suggested something of a solution to her
She rejected it and said it wouldn’t work for her
How I saw it was that it can work, just that she wasn’t willing to do it
I just waited and within 2 weeks, she told me she thought of a solution to solve her issue
And it was exactly my idea, however she said she thought of it on her own
Honestly, I don’t care who is claiming the idea cause to me, the main thing is that she solved her issue
That’s one thing about seeding an idea too
They may not attribute it to you for their change or benefit and you got to be ok with that
In fact, the ladies might already be doing this in their persuasion of their partners to bring them to Maldives hahahaha
10. Share a story
I love stories ~
I love to read, and write, and share stories too
So imagine my surprise when I learnt that stories are hypnotic!
Not only is it full of details and can move your emotions, stories can help the listener see from a different perspective
On top of that, the unconscious mind can learn better through stories as well
If we look at historical figures like Jesus Christ, Buddha, etc and the amount of stories they shared with their followers
Stories help people to see from another view, to learn and accept new ideas and understand on a deeper level
And that’s also why movies are so captivating!
You see, we have a tendency to put ourselves in the story, in the movie, as a character experiencing all there is to experience in the story
That’s how we learn through stories
Now of course, they don’t have to be made up stories about this or that
The stories of your friends and what they encountered, or your clients and what they had gone through, these are stories too
So if you are in sales, you might find that when you share your client’s experiences first and then the testimonial, you will find that the listener is usually more convinced and accepting of your product or service
Or you might share a story of someone else who been through something similar and what happened to them
This can help your listener develop perspectives he/she didn’t think of previously
And thus more open to accepting your suggestion
Of course, if you are using this in your line of work
Then preparing some stories for persuasion will be excellent!
Because they can come more naturally and easily ~
What’s Next For Persuasion?
Duh practice la~
Hahahaha
To be honest, I can probably share another list of persuasion tips but too much information might crowd the mind and jam any action too
So if you enjoyed this, do share with your friends and maybe comment so I can see if there are people interested in such content and information
Otherwise no point writing a 2nd list also right? XD
If I share one bonus tip, avoid doing things excessively
That will come out as insincere, off-putting, aggressive etc
So for a start, take 2 or 3 tips from here and practice with them for a week
Then take another 2 or 3 tips for another week’s practice
And eventually, I trust that you will find your persuasion getting more effective š
