Ok like, this is a big question and there are tons of information about this so I won’t be able to cover everything about this topic
Now if you don’t already know me, I’m a hypnotist and I see clients from time to time to help them resolve namely mental health issues, but sometimes other issues like behavioral, relationship etc
And of course, every once in a while, I do get clients who lie to me
Now to be fair, I don’t blame them
Some people might lie to cover something up, while others might lie to appear good or better versions of themselves
So technically its not wrong
But at the same time, technically isn’t right either
This is because they came to me for help… and I cannot help you if you lie to me right?
So yea, tell me the truth so I can help you better
I’ll be sharing my experiences and knowledge and some you might already know, and some you might not
So sit back, or lay down… or stand… or wherever you are reading this… and enjoy!
Here are 5 things you need to realize about liars
1. They divert to another topic when asked for clarity
This is probably one of the more common types of a lie, where when they are questioned for clarity or more information, they divert to another topic for conversation
This is slightly different (although somewhat similar) to avoiding the question and not answering cause they will take it that they aren’t lying
But even that is hiding the truth
So there was this time where I ask the client for more information with regards to he/she does a particular behavior A and instead of directly telling me so he/she goes into a long story of when interacting with the spouse and the children and the parents and in the end don’t answer my question
To which, I repeat my question and ask again
Now why is this considered a type of lie?
When someone does this, they are giving you additional details about a bunch of things for you to infer for yourself what actually happened
And your version, your understanding, is thus distorted from the actual truth
As I mentioned earlier, this is pretty common so you can hear this not just among your friends or family, you might hear it on TV or social media too
2. They are unable to give specifics
This is another common one and quite obvious too
When you question them, they tend to give vague answers and you just know something is up!
Naturally, this is because they are hiding some important details and don’t want to share
In fact the more you question, they might either skirt around the question or give you some details that upon further question, don’t match up
I had a client who shared about how his ex broke up with him and he think it’s because he isn’t handsome enough, even though she didn’t say that
And only after a bunch of questions I asked him, did he finally reveal some additional information about the girl (which I won’t share for now)
But it made me realize that perhaps instead of him “being ugly”, the truth was that he was unmotivated to achieve much in life and he didn’t have the capability to support her financially
Of course, there is a possibility that he didn’t realize it was because of money and he think it’s because he isn’t good looking
Yet there is also a possibility that he don’t want to see finances as the issue (in fact, I’m guessing it’s because he wasn’t truthful to her about his finances in the first place)
Hence, he might have told a lie to make himself look good or better at least
Whatever the intention, it doesn’t matter much to me for now
Although of course, between you and me, if he tell me the truth, it will be easier for me to help him haha
3. They tend to look around when they lie
Ok this is actually not completely true
We have to understand a bit of body language for this as well as how the mind work
First of this, when you are looking at someone and conversing with them
If they look to their upper left, they are thinking more logically, or recalling something they seen before
And if they are looking to their upper right, they are thinking more imaginatively, or constructing something visually
So what some people say is that when you lie, you are constructing new information and thus you tend to look more to the right
And that’s what is not completely true
This is because it depends on what you are asking
If I ask you what will you be eating for dinner later, as you ponder what you want to eat, you will likely be looking upper left for stuff you had before and want to eat again, and upper right for stuff you haven’t eaten before and wondering what it might taste like
To add on, some people, introverts like myself or people with social anxiety, don’t like eye contact…
So what do we do?
We look around so often!!
But we are telling the truth hahaha
And what’s worse?
So many claim someone who look around often is a liar, so end up everyone now just stare straight at you when they lie
Have you experienced that before?
Creepy~
So yea, take this with a pinch of salt
There are quite a few variables for this one
4. There is a change in their state
If you want to be able to tell when someone is lying, this is one of the more advanced techniques
Yes, it pertains to body language
Essentially, you need to have their normal or baseline state, and when you chat with them, if they are lying, you will note a change in their state
However, yes, you need to be able to know and understand their basic state, their usual body language, first and foremost, comparing the normal with the change in state
That’s why I say it’s more advanced
For example, I had a boy and his family in my office and it was suppose to be for mental health issues
Barely 5 minutes in, the boy asked how can I help and almost immediately he stood up and said that I cannot help him, cause to him, his depression is worse than the cases I shared and that he can solve his own issues by himself
To which his parents asked him if there were true, why don’t you solve your issues, cause we are both worried for you etc
He sat back down but now when he responded, he was having a softer tone, and kept fidgeting now, stating it’s because it wasn’t the time for him to solve his issues now
From the more firm state, he changed to a fidgety state, that’s how I know he is lying about something (whether that he can solve his issues, or that he acting to have depression to escape army, or other possibilities)
Vice versa is possible too, if someone has a softer state and shift suddenly into a firm or even aggressive state
Now this is more obvious of course, like a calm person suddenly explode in anger when confronted if he is cheating on his wife, he will lie and might even shoot the wife with a question about how she having her own issues too
That’s a hypothetical scenario and he did 1 and 4, diverting the question back to the wife and shifting of state
If you can master this, even if the state change is so subtle where one can barely tell the difference, you can spot a lie right in front of you
5. It’s not what they say, it’s how they said it
I would consider this more advanced too because it can happen so fast, you miss it!
You will be surprised how often people lie in this manner and get away with it
One of the most famous ones is Bill Clinton’s lie
Repeat as many times as you need to haha
Notice how he said “that woman” and pause for a while before he said her name
Done separately they have a small effect of a lie, but when put together, it’s a massive lie
You see, when he said “that woman”, he’s putting distance between himself and her
Meaning, he could be thinking of another lady C and thus, it will be true to him that he didn’t have sex with that other lady C cause he did it with Ms L
The pause is to create more distance from what he is saying, about not having sexual relations, and so her name Ms L is just a name he had to say
That’s how he is lying through and through
Of course, since this is a video it’s much easier to catch but when you are conversing with someone face to face, it’s much trickier to catch when conversations might be bouncing here and there and how it’s spontaneous and fast too!
Anyway, if you are a bit more aware of a person’s language, spotting when they create distance in their language can indicate a lot more than what they reveal
In Conclusion…
So I shared a couple of common ways, a misconception, and two slightly more advanced ways to tell when someone is lying to you
Naturally there are a lot more ways to tell, but if I write them all, this article will be very long hahaha
Comment below if you want to know more such tips otherwise, I’ll share other stuff in future blogs~
PS Use your newly acquired knowledge for good
