WWHHHYYYYYYYYYYY
That’s probably the biggest question on everyone’s minds
If you are reading this, you probably had this question in your mind before
Where you see your problems and issues just grow before your very eyes
Or perhaps you know of your friends and loved ones whose issues keep growing and growing
And the end result ain’t pretty isn’t it?
If a person with issues doesn’t get the right help
It seems the issues generally grow into big issues like
Depression
Panic Attacks
Mental Breakdowns
Or more
Of course, the clearest advice is get the right help
But still, the question does remain
Why do our problems keep getting bigger?
Even, think about it, even with help
We learn how to manage our growing problems
Very few helplines actually help to solve the problems so that it no longer exists
I want to address this question today
In fact, this is one of the main things I share in my chit chat sessions with my clients
Because I want my clients to know how their mind works
And when we know better, we do better!
Knowledge is power
Although I think application of that knowledge is more powerful
Anyway, let’s get right into it
First off, we have a conscious mind and an unconscious mind
The conscious mind is like a gatekeeper, the more logical part of the mind that decides whether to accept or reject new information
Especially as you are likely to be an adult, as you are reading this, you can choose whether to accept this information or not
Now the unconscious mind is more like a computer program, it runs in the background
It has the programs for your emotions, values, beliefs, patterns, memories etc etc
So what happens is that new information get accepted or rejected via the conscious mind and any new information gets into the unconscious mind, where the unconscious mind can run internal filters and other programs to check the new information and see if it wants to accept or reject based on past old information
Ahem… that was a chunk
Essentially, you can choose to accept or reject and if you accept, your unconscious mind will check what I say with what you already know
Easy right?
The tricky bit comes in when we look at our growth through the ages
You see, from 0 to 9 years of age, our conscious mind is not fully formed
Generally speaking, young children at that age usually listen to parents first and teachers second
Meaning, whatever the parents say, can go straight into the unconscious mind
Because the logical conscious mind says, “Whatever my daddy or mummy says is right”
And the unconscious mind has no past previous information to tally the incoming information, so it absorbs and assimilates the new information to form new programs based on this
Meaning, we learn directly from our parents, their behaviours, emotional states, patterns etc etc
And generally, boys learn from fathers and girls from their mothers, although it’s possible for cross gender learning too
So in a way yes, you are a pretty good copy of your parent
So… now what?
How does this relates to our problems growing bigger right?
We’ll break into 2 problems
Emotions and patterns (behaviours or other similar patterns)
Emotions first
Generally speaking, I like to use this metaphor
During this young age, there are seeds being planted in our minds
These seeds are seeds of emotion
There is a seed of love, of hate
Of sadness, happiness
Of anger, fear
You get the picture
Now what’s happening is this
As we grow up, we experience events
And events can instil in us an emotion or two
What happens is that such events that bring an emotion or two will add water and fertiliser to the seed
So the seed grows
And grows
Into a sapling
Into a tree
And bears fruit
That’s where shit hits the fan
Let’s use sadness for an example
Seed of sadness can grow slowly if the person feels sad once a while (say missing parent or lack of love from a parent)
Or might grow fast with lots of water and mega fertiliser when something big happens (like a grandparent passes away and experience huge amounts of grief and sadness)
Eventually it becomes a tree and it may bear a fruit
The seed of sadness grows into a tree of sadness and bears the fruit of depression
Similarly, the seed of anxiety can grow into the tree of anxiety and bears the fruit of panic attacks
And now that you think of it this way
You might also realize that conventional methods of medication or therapy might be more of cutting off the fruits or branches but not fully removing the tree
There might be some methods that can help to remove the original seed though
And these seeds of emotion happen naturally for anyone
At least you also understand how a 20 year old might get panic attacks or depression (due to harsh tragic circumstances) and how a much older 50 year old might fall into depression with no known cause
It’s a natural progression
So yea anyone can get it
Before you ask me for help or a solution, let me share about the patterns problem first
Now patterns are slightly different from emotions
Patterns are usually things we learn during childhood too but can also be learnt at later ages
An example might be a girl getting raped and the pattern of being adverse to a man’s touch is developed or learnt
Due to the complexity of patterns, say the difference between relationship patterns and money patterns, I will not go too deep into this
So a generic overview is this
Similarly, we learn patterns from our parents
How our parents speak, the choice of words
Their behaviours towards each other or to their children
The presence of someone or lack of
The topics commonly discussed in the house
Can all create potential patterns, whether good or bad
However, just like how I gave the example earlier
Patterns can also be learnt instantly through a tragic or traumatic incident
Patterns can also grow like seeds, into trees
Only I tend to use the metaphor of a live rock
Say there is a live rock in the middle of your path
Sometimes you trip on it, sometimes you don’t
Interestingly enough, you either did not have the idea to remove it, of you tried and it has deep roots that make it hard to come out
And it’s a live rock
It grows
With each interaction with this rock
A trip
A pull
A knock
It grows
Bigger and bigger
Until you have to either climb over the rock
Or walk around it
Thinking you can ignore
Yet it grows even more
Until it seems like it’s a mountain
And shit
You realize you are stuck and cannot get through
You tried digging a tunnel
Just whack through!
It seems to fill up the next day
That’s the problem with pattern problems
Emotion problems are like trees and pattern problems are like rocks
So how do you solve such things?
Ideally you find someone who knows what they are doing
To help you identify where the possible roots come from
To be able to guide you to the past
And resolve completely from the get go
Whether it’s me, a counsellor or a psychologist
It’s up to you who you feel most comfortable with
Anyway, the main point of this article is to share with you how problems grow bigger
And if you learnt something from this
GREAT! 😀
And maybe you will like to share with a friend who needs an eye opener too
Cheers and have a great day ahead! 🙂
