It’s been 11 years since I nearly died in my sleep~
Such a long time has passed
By the way, if you want the full story of what happened and all, you can read about it here
Anyway, the link above describes some of the physical or outside changes that I went through, learnt and developed
Since the anniversary of my near death and surgery is this week, I decided to share some of the internal learnings and understandings today
Now believe you me, I didn’t get enlightenment that day when I nearly died
I fell into a deep darkness that seem to take forever to get out of
And only through the years, did I realize certain key understandings
People don’t appreciate life, until they experience death
And it’s true generally speaking
But no it doesn’t have to be your own death, it could be the death of a loved one, a family or friend
Think about it
When was the last time you appreciated breathing fresh air?
Ok fine, now is Covid and we wear mask, and Singapore had haze once a while, but hey, isn’t it because you experience the “hardship of breathing” then you can appreciate the “ease of breath”?
When was the last time you spend time, communicating, loving, interacting, with your friends, family and loved ones?
Often times, we tend to neglect such intimacy (not just romantic intimacy, but general intimacy) as we seek achievements, financial status and materialism, isn’t it?
And yes, I get it, you seek money and power to provide a better life for your family and children, and yet, were you there for the growth of your child?
Like the baby’s first steps, first words? First crawl? First award ceremony?
Did you miss out on anything important to them? You may or may not know… but your child knows…
For myself, this near death experience of mine made me reflect on a number of things
You may or may not notice it if you observe me too, but if you are knowing me for the first time – Hi!
Personally, I understand that this world is still a world of materialism, like you need money to buy food, to buy clothes, to pay the rent etc
I also understand it is the love of money, or the greed of money, that might be considered a negative trait to some, or even evil to others, yet some will say it’s a good trait too
It is ironic I suppose, that through hardship, do we grow stronger or do we remain in the low state?
Ultimately it is our choice – free will, if you want to call it that
Our decisions, and reactions to things, usually make things worse or better, it depends on us
Another realization I had, was that all emotions are necessary
Yes, this means even the ones considered negative or bad are necessary
Why McKing? You might ask
Yes, you might think that remaining calm in most situation is a great trait to have, and something like anger or anxiety is not good at all
Yet, you might want to realize that to understand how to be calm in the first place, means you must experience anger or anxiety, from there, you can learn how to be calm
Now why do I say this?
This energy, or emotion, must have a balance
That means to some extent, for every emotion that is deem negative, you must have a positive emotion to balance it out
However, at the same time, all our emotions must serve a purpose in our lives
It does not make sense for God to give us unnecessary emotions, isn’t it?
Therefore, anger, for example is an emotion of defence or protection
Imagine if I slap you suddenly, you might feel shock or anger, and feel like you want to slap me back
That is normal, since you were “attacked” first
If you do not defend yourself by attacking, you might be dead (this is reference to ancient times where humans had to fight sabertooth tigers or giant wolves, or even when killing was commonplace)
Sadness comes from a sense of loss, like if your loved one passed away, you will be crying at the funeral
If one doesn’t have sadness, then people will think one is crazy for smiling and laughing at the wake of a deceased loved one!
And it is through such “negative” emotions, can we truly appreciate the “positive” emotions
Take death of a loved one and feeling sad, then you can rejoice at the birth of new life and be happy
Take the anger of being wronged at work, allows you the courage to stand up for what is right
Take the anxiety or fear before speaking in public, shows how precious this message is when you are ready to share
And so on
The last thing I want to share with you today
Is that I live as if I might die tonight
You might be thinking YOLO – You Only Live Once
And to some extent, it is, isn’t it?
However, I do not go on crazy trips or mad adventures as some might do
For me, it’s about helping people
If I can help you, somehow, in some way, in the event that I die tonight and you are able to change your life through my sharing
Then that my friend, is good enough for me
That’s how I live my life now
To explain it simply
And every year during this timing (By the way, yea, Singapore’s National Day was the day of my surgery haha~)
I am reminded of my death, my life
My regrets, my dreams
My adversities, my purpose
To share, to help
Someone you know
Someone you love
Someone like you
I wish you peace and happiness, and may you learn something, no matter how small and seemingly trival, out of this sharing of mine