And it’s true, words have power over us
But, what does it mean?
You see, whatever we say to ourselves can shape our perception, and this shapes our reality
I go into more detail here
In fact, what we say to others, whether good or bad, can do so as well
And where do we see this?
When we are a child, what our parents say to each other or to us, can form a belief, value or perception
Le me share 2 of my client case studies that illustrate this
The first client, let’s call her Amanda
Amanda had recurring nightmares of her lover sleeping with another woman
And we did a regression to find the source of when as well as how this got started
Was in insecurity? Low self esteem or confidence?
She went back to the age of 6, where she is now in front of her mum
And her mum said this, “You look like a prostitute”
And Amanda was crying
So what happened was when she got told she looks like a prostitute, her unconscious created a program or a belief believing she was a prostitute
And that led to her recurring nightmares of her lover finding another woman to sleep with
Because men who go to prostitutes, can find other prostitutes too
That was the source of her recurring nightmares
And what haunted her until she came to see me at age 55
The other case is also a girl, let’s call her Belinda
Belinda is in her early 20s and felt useless and stupid
She also feels like she needs to suffer
One thing she shared with me was that she was adopted and only knew when she turned 21
We did a regression to find the source of her issues and she was now 5 years old
Crying
I asked her why is she crying, and her reply was that her parents were arguing in front of her
I was curious and asked if she could hear what they were arguing about
She couldn’t at first and needed to concentrate
And she cried even more!
I calmed her down and asked what was it she heard?
“My parents are arguing about me, they are saying why did they adopt such a useless and stupid girl? And after they adopted me, they lost all their finances so they think I bring bad luck…”
Belinda
Now we can see clearly why Belinda has such thinking about herself like “useless and stupid” and that she “has to suffer”
Firstly, Belinda as a baby might have a question in her mind whether her birth parents love her or not, and now, she also knows her adopted parents do not love her!
This made her think she “has to suffer” because she is unloved
Next is because of what the adopted parents said in anger about her
It is with little wonder why and how she developed her issues
With these 2 of my clients’ case studies, you can see how our words can affect the lives and minds of our children in the future
Our words can shape our perceptions, beliefs and values, and these will shape our reality
But McKing, this is only with kids right?
Surprisingly no
Words have such a power within us that throughout our lives, from childhood, into adulthood, and even into old age
Will we continue to see an effect it has on us
What we think of the world and ourselves
And what we say to others
Let me share another case study of mine, let’s call her Clarissa
Clarissa had the unfortunate experience of being sexually abused by her father, as well as by her uncle
This formed the perception in her mind that all men just want to have sex
She got into many relationships and even though she doesn’t like sex, her boyfriends will ask and try to persuade her into it
And she will reluctantly do it with them
Why?
Her thinking was, she already lost her virginity as a child, and have been used by men for sexual purposes, hence, she doesn’t see any worth in her body any more
This is one example of how our own thinking can affect us, and how we treat ourselves, for better or worse
And what about old age?
Our parents take care of us when we are a child, and we experience a role reversal when we grow up and take care of them in their aging years
Which is somewhat ideal I suppose
As some people have the option to put their elderly in homes and stuff
Generally, the conversations we have with the elderly can make or break them
For example, if you were to tell your parents or grandparents that they are old and will likely fall, they will believe you and their bodies will start to weaken and they will fall
Let’s hear about this case study, about a guy called David
David grew up in an angry home
So it is to no surprise that he lost his temper easily
His parents grew old and stayed with him, which is typical in a Singaporean family
However, David threw his temper towards his parents, who cannot argue back as much because they were much older in their years now
He would say stuff like he has to spend money to take care of them, they will fall sick easily and doctors’ fees are expensive etc
The subsequent hurt and pain they feel now, made them weaker in physical health
One day, David’s father fell and was admitted to the hospital where they found he had cancer and wouldn’t live long
That’s when David regret saying all those things, however, his pride wouldn’t allow him to apologise
His grief and regret after his father’s passing, led him to me
It may not be obvious to you, but it is to me
On how our words can affect the mental state and subsequently the physical health of the people around us
This can also be seen as a self fulfilling prophesy
I might write that as a longer article but for now, the short version is this
Whatever we say to ourselves and to others, can form a perception or belief, that shapes their reality
And that’s the short explanation of how a self fulfilling prophesy might come about
And why our words can be so powerful
Whether it has the right intention or not
So, to sum up, be mindful of what you say to yourself and to others
