Over the years I notice a common trend among my clients (and people in general)
We aren’t living life
Stay with me and hear me out
I don’t mean breathing, eating, having a job or family
It’s a lot more than that
Heck I’m not even sure I can cover everything in totality under this topic
You see, what I notice is that many people tell me they face these issues
You have no idea how often I hear this!
They feel unmotivated at work
They feel stressed with life
They feel burdened by their family
And the list goes on
So I chat with them
Or you might say I interview them
The short rundown is…
They are not living their own life
They are living their parents’ life
Or they are living the life set by other people
Whether friends, society, or their partners
What do I mean by this?
And yes, culture and race does make a difference, but again, it’s probably more common than you think
You see, here are the common themes they shared with me
They grew up listening to their parents and allowing them to decide for them
Meaning to say, they studied what their parents wanted them to study
Because mummy and daddy knows best right?
Unfortunately it isn’t always the case
I have clients who are just students, and they shared with me how their parents rejected them to study what they love or enjoy
Courses such as design or arts, languages or math etc
Their parents rejected such courses simply because…
It doesn’t make money
Or that it doesn’t seem to give a good job
In favour of courses like law, finance, engineering, medical etc
And what happens is that these students end up feeling depressed, stressed, and totally unmotivated to study
Well duh, that is what happens when you are forced to do something you don’t like or want to do isn’t it?
Yet their parents do that to their own children
I joined this platform where I offer a listening ear to people who need it
And I had students from all over the world share similar themes
An American girl was forced to go to Harvard cause it’s a good school and she can get a good job
She was sharing how stressed she was, how much she gets compared to her older brother who also went to Harvard etc
An Indian boy shared how he kept procrastinating and was unmotivated to study, and fearful he might be in depression
He admitted to me that engineering wasn’t his course, but rather because his parents wanted him to take it for future jobs
A Malaysian was in depression as his parents have constantly “ensured” he gets good grades to enter medical school
These are university students, but while their physical health is probably well taken care of, their mental health isn’t
If you are a young parent, please don’t do this to your children
If you are a parent but already did this to your children and they are big now, well, it depends on the circumstances and how they now treat you too so I can’t comment there
If you are currently a student and going through this, I don’t know, maybe let your parents read this and see if it changes their mind and allow you to change your course before you complete it
Otherwise, you can or have to, endure it all
Even finding me to reduce the stress is only short term and not a long term solution
Because you still have to study the course you don’t like
Now you might be thinking whether this is true
Maybe you been through this theme in a similar fashion
Going through the school system, studying for stuff you don’t like
And you think you did ok
You got a job, you making money, things seem ok right?
If things are really ok, that’s great for you
As long as you are happy living your current life
Meaning you don’t feel all that stressed or unmotivated at work
A man from Africa had to study a finance course, and while he can make money in a good job, he isn’t happy
He’s gone from job to job, finding a job that fits what he studied, hoping he will be happy then
What’s happening??
Why are we living the lives of our parents?
What happened that made us think we need to live the dreams of our parents?
And it gets passed down too
Think about it
If your parents “forced” you to live their life, because they didn’t achieve it so you have to achieve it in their place
Whatever it made be
Then what will happen?
You might do that to your own kids too ain’t it?
This isn’t a “vicious” cycle
It’s negative growth
Cause it spread to each child you have, who spread to each child they have, etc
Potentially exponential growth
Am I exaggerating?
I might be
But I want you to think about it
Because you can stop it here
The moment you read this article and gain awareness
Especially if you admit you are living your parents’ lives
You can stop it here
And I’m not saying to suddenly do a 180 degree turn and quit your job
No no I’m not saying that
It’s more like you realize this may not be the life you wanted first and foremost
Then you explore what kind of life do you want for yourself
And subsequently, you also allow your children to decide for themselves what kind of life do they want
That’s why I say you can stop it here
So that the negative patterns of suffering do not spread further
Of course, there might be other ways of suffering that we may still suffer from but that’s another topic for discussion
Like I said, we probably cannot cover everything today
Here’s an example
A client came to me couple years ago, and he was feeling stressed at work
His relationship wasn’t going well either cause his work stress and frustrations was spreading to his partner
So we had a chat, like what he is in this job and all
Things like this was all he know, cause of what he studied in school, parents said this can earn an income etc
He admitted the income is good and he need it to pay the bills and support his family
But he wasn’t happy
So now that he realized this, what can he do?
I kind of prefer to look into multiple options and see what’s most comfortable for yourself, for your survival, or for hoslitic purposes
So comparing what he is doing now and what he will prefer to do, like what he enjoy doing is one thing
Comparing the income he is getting now with other potential jobs is another
These were some of the things we discussed
Because (and I was frank with him) while I can reduce or clear the stress, since he was not doing what he enjoyed, the stress will build up again over time
Meaning he has to see me again if we don’t resolve the root cause – a conflict of what he wants and what he needs
If he is ok with that, sure, that means he will see me every couple of years to clear the stress
Meanwhile he has to tahan lor (Singaporean slang for to endure)
Another way is to quit his current job and look for another job, but whether he can secure that level of income, whether he has enough savings etc will come into play
This is what I mean by the exploration part
There are options
And everything has its pros and cons
I hope this has sort of open your awareness a wee bit more
Because everyone has their own way to live life
Oh and in case you were wondering, mine is simple
I’m happy when I wake up every day, and when I help people, whether its you who is reading my blog right now, or when I see them for a chat or for hypnosis
That’s how I live my life 🙂
What’s yours?
