Love is in the air with Valentine’s Day round the corner in 2025
But how important is love in this day and age?
In fact, how does love, or lack of it, affect us and our lives?
When it comes to any form of relationship, yes it is crucial
However, too often do people lie to themselves about their lover
When perhaps there was no love to begin with
And that is so sad
Love can not only make or break a relationship, it also affects marriage, and having kids!
Bear with me and read on to find out
It has to start with love
If there is any other reason besides love, do not start a relationship at all
I’ve seen many people, who start a relationship with the wrong intent
Or sometimes, it was their parents who started with the wrong intent
And there is a tendency for it to create more problems than happiness
One of the obvious wrong reasons is because of money
Like oh he/she is rich and so I want to be their partner
This will create problems in their relationship, and subsequent marriage
One of my client’s mom only chase men with money, and would get herself pregnant just to make the rich man marry her so she will have money
Her first husband, my client’s dad, divorced her and so the mom chase another rich man and got pregnant with his son, and eventually abandoned my client, her first child
Leaving my client with abandonment issues, neglect, and coming to me with anxiety and depression as well
Naturally we can see here due to a lack of love, both the relationship and the marriage is starting with the wrong reason, and this creates more problems for everyone involved
There was another client who was going to get married and I asked her, “why do you want to marry this man?”
Her first response was, “it’s the next stage of life”, and when I repeated my question, she asked me back
“What do people normally say?”
She saw marriage as an achievement or status, essentially, she could pick any random guy off the streets because there was no difference in marrying this specific man
I can’t imagine what that man will feel when he realize she doesn’t love him at all
How does the current world view love?
Let’s face it, in this modern world with how easy it is to have intimate relationships, is love something crucial for them?
Shrug
Some might still be a yes, but some isn’t quite so
Of course, our perception of relationship can stem from our parents’ relationship so that might tweak a little
With so many dating apps, getting to know someone on a more personal level before we start a relationship gets surprisingly harder
There is a tendency to “judge” based on the photos and profile description
Loving someone can’t be just because they are tall, or attractive
And the attraction might be more of lust rather than love
With lust, there might be sexual intimacy, and some cases, pre-marital sex that leads to getting pregnant
That’s the other issue, where people get married because of the pregnancy, not really because they love each other
Some of my clients are the result of such a marriage
Because some of such parents might have a little thought that the child is a burden, this might cause neglect or abuse to the child
And if the marriage didn’t turn out well?
Well, it didn’t start with love, it was lust, and so, it is easy to get angry or irritated at each other
The above mentioned client shows this, where she was likely seen as a burden or just a tool by her mother to get her father’s wealth
I personally feel that there are more mental health issues today because of several factors, and this is one of those factors
How does it affect our lives?
This is because love is a powerful emotion and without it, it is easy to lapse into negative emotions such as anger, sadness, hurt and so on
A particular behavior might be seen as irritating without it, yet if there is love, that same behavior now becomes something cute or endearing
Generally speaking of course as abusive relationships fall into another pattern altogether
Naturally where there is love, there is also compromise
My dad for example, was a heavy smoker, while my mom hates smokers
Although my dad didn’t stop smoking, he cut down and also as much as possible, only smoke when my mom wasn’t around, or he will step out of the house to smoke
If he was smoking in the house, he will smoke near the window so that my mom won’t smell the cigarette smell
My mom knew he smokes, but she don’t smell it so she doesn’t nag him or scold him
Now because they loved each other, we see both sides compromising a bad behavior for the harmony of the relationship and family
Why did my mom not force him to stop, or why didn’t he stop smoking for her?
I have no idea but perhaps she saw he had made positive changes and she accepted those changes
She might have appreciated those changes and decided to ease off too
So because they compromised and valued each other more, there was peace and harmony
In fact, if I were to add on, like how my dad knew my mom was working hard so he will do the house chores
His reasoning is that since my mom works, he need to do his part at home
And because we are a family, we all do our part as well
Even just washing our own dishes
Choose to love every day
Check with your heart, your soul, whether you love your partner and how you can love better, love more
And if you don’t, recognize that ending the relationship is a better call so everyone can move on in peace
Rather than dragging and pretending to love, then causing abuse due to anger or irritation, or cheating due to lack of love in the relationship
Imagine one day a person decides to do something like cheating, knowing that it will hurt their partner if they find out
Is that coming from a place of love?
You see, love isn’t just an emotion, it is a choice
Choosing to love someone means treating them kindly, thinking from their perspective, knowing them intimately, wanting the best for them and so much more
In fact, if we can do this every day, even just the simplest of things can mean so much
We don’t have to wait until Valentine’s Day to be romantic
Even if we are single, that’s ok too
Loving ourselves is ever so important right now
For our physical, mental and emotional health
To protect ourselves in multiple ways
Because love is a treasure and when we treasure ourselves, that’s when we can attain peace and happiness within
So treat yourself well, not just today, as many days as you can
Because you deserve it
