What does it mean to forgive?
Is it to forgive and forget?
Is it to stop being angry?
Maybe to have a meal with that person?
Or perhaps to act as if nothing happened?
That there was no hurt
No pain
No guilt
Or whatever?
Is that forgiveness?
The short answer is no
It’s not
So what is forgiveness?
What does it mean to forgive?
Here’s my version
To forgive someone means to release and let go of the hurts and pains that that person did onto you, therefore letting go of the baggage you might still be carrying, so you can be free from your past
Huh?
That was quite a mouthful, ain’t it?
Let me explain something
If all the above possible stuff means to forgive someone, like not being angry or whatever
Well, we have a problem
You can stop being angry at someone, and just hate that person
Or you can have a meal with someone, but hold a grudge
You probably see where I’m getting at
The idea of forgiving is to let go of anger or hatred does not solve the core issues
You were hurt
At least once
By that person
Whether it was a physical hurt or an emotional one
You were hurt
So my version of forgiveness
Which is to let go of the hurts and pains and thus to release the burdens and baggage on you
This first breaks the chains
It breaks your past, or that prison, that person somehow place
It breaks the holds, the molds, the past reality to some extent
Once you are release from your past baggage, only then can you truly say that you are free
And when you release the chains, hurts and pains
You can look at that person that you forgiven
And finally move on
You might feel nothing when you see that person
Or feel love (in the case of family, although sometimes you might rather feel nothing)
Or you might feel happiness
Honestly, I have no idea what you will feel when you are free from your past, and truly forgive that person (or people)
Some of my past clients have felt lighter, as if they have finally released 10 years of baggage
Others no longer feel anger towards their parents, and feel happiness
Of course, I have had clients who felt nothing, like to a school bully when they were 13
Who wants to feel love towards your past bully anyway?
Shrug
Here are some examples of what happened when my past clients forgave the person (or people) who hurt them in one way or another
Client A was abused by the husband and felt abandoned by her parents
After a session with me on forgiveness, she reconciled with the husband (he stopped abusing too) and reunited with her parents
Client B was abandoned by her father and felt extreme rage towards him (really extreme rage)
She forgave him after getting to the root source and no longer exploded in rage when she receives his message (more of a “oh ok” feeling which is neutral and a huge step)
Client C had bulimna since her teens
During the session, we found that she once saw her mother vomit and that started the pattern of bulima
Upon forgiving her mum for showing her such a scene, as well as forgiving herself for learning the behaviour, she stopped within that single session
Oh yea, for Client C, forgiveness didn’t just solve an emotional issue, it resolved an eating disorder (or a behavioural pattern depending on how you want to look at it)
The power of forgiveness does not just resolve emotional issues but behavioural patterns too!
And forgiving does not require an action like you need to meet and chat with the person
No, if you can forgive the person in your mind and heart
Even if you are by yourself
You can do this
One way to tell when you 100% truly forgiven the person is that you do not feel the previous emotion anymore
If you used to feel anger, now you don’t
If you used to feel sadness, now you don’t
And that list goes on
What if you felt it less but not completely gone?
You can try again, or send me a text or a question
And why would you want to forgive those people?
Who hurt you emotionally
Or who abuse you physically
Among others
It’s because of one thing
Love
Not so much that you love them
Oh no, it’s definitely not that, my friend
It’s because you love yourself
You love yourself
And that’s why you can forgive those people
To let go and release the burdens and baggage
The hurts and chains
That have been put onto you
It’s because you love yourself
That you can forgive others
And you can be free and happy again
That’s the power of forgiveness
So who do you want to forgive so you can have a free and Happy New Year?
