A human is such a simple and yet complex being
And if you are here reading this
I suppose it’s because you want to understand people better
How they work, why they think the way they think etc
Among other things
You’ve come to the right place~
Although of course, I don’t know how much I can share today with you
And it might just be the tip of the iceberg
But it’s a good step to understanding the people around you
And maybe yourself too
If that’s in your list of things to understand š
To be fair, I’ve shared a number of things over the years
In some other articles I’ve wrote here too
Different aspects and facets of the human mind
So go find and read them too if you want to gain a greater awareness
But for now…
The first thing you must realize is that we humans are a replication of our parents
Generally speaking
Boys learn from their dads how to be a man, and girls learn from their mom how to be a woman
And we learn from the opposite gender what to look for in a future partner
This is because a baby will instinctively learn from the family (usually the parents) on how to be a human and what humans might be like
Think of it as, every baby will learn the entire human race from their parents
Even though that isn’t true!
There are so many different types of people, but if we understand this, a lot of things will make sense
A child brought up in a household of abuse, can assume that abuse is normal, and thus recreate an abusive household in the future
And to continue this example of abuse, either the child becomes the abuser or seek an abuser to marry, therefore the family patterns repeat themselves
You can replace the patterns with other patterns such as anxiety or mental health issues, relationship and marriage issues, etc
Think of it as a general understanding first ok?
And yes it can explain most, but doesn’t explain unique circumstances or “mutated” circumstances
Those are when someone’s patterns do not follow their parents’ patterns exactly but rather a variation or deviation from the original pattern
A recent client came to see me and the issue he wanted to work through was “issue A” but we ended up talking here and there and I spotted something
You see, his parents divorced, and I explained to him how once he get married, he might divorced his future wife too, unless we resolve this relationship pattern in him
He was in disbelief… before asking something
“This pattern of divorce… can get passed down to my kids too?”
I replied yes
To which he replied… “Actually… my parents divorced and remarried… and my grandparents also divorced and remarried…”
All of them divorced and remarried!!?
Which further proves what I was sharing with him about repeated patterns hence his state of shock and amazement
The second thing you must realize is that whatever action we do, there was a positive intention
Ok this might be a bit challenging to understand
Firstly, the positive intention may not always be for the other party, it can be for oneself
And if you can accept this statement, you can have a deeper understanding to the actions and behaviours of the people around you
(And yes, that’s why I can be accepting and accommodating to people around me, as well as non-judgemental)
So yes, the positive intention can be for oneself or for others
For example, one of my clients is having some relationship issues with her boyfriend and they seem to be arguing more and more recently
When I chat with her, I can see clearly what she started arguing and fighting with her boyfriend
Some of the reasons are, she felt she wasn’t appreciated by him, she felt he did not do anything to relieve her stress or recognize her efforts in the relationship
So her getting upset and “fighting” him was because she wanted to protect herself!
However, what might be the boyfriend’s perspective?
He might be thinking she is starting a fight for drama (which will create more problems and fighting without solving the issues)
And this are 40+ year old couples, in case you are thinking they are youths XD
I can share a young 20+ year old couple scenario
Although their situation is a bit unique or interesting
The guy cheated on his previous relationship and the current girlfriend is worried that he might cheat on her too
That’s not a wrong thought too right?
But this cause her to become anxious whenever he meets with young girls
Add the fact she has low confidence and self esteem, she feels she is inadequate for him
This negative cycle spun out of control
Causing her to check on him often
What’s the positive intention of her behaviour?
She doesn’t want to lose him cause she loves him so much
After sharing these two case studies, we can understand a bit better on their intent
However, yes, perhaps they didn’t know how else to act or do
And hence creating some negative instances
In fact, this ties in with the first learning for today too
You see, their intention was positive, but they have learnt from their parents the negative actions and behaviours
The 40+ year old lady grew up in a household with a lot of fighting and shouting between her parents!
The 20+ year old girl had a mom who was obsessed, easily anxious and verbally abusive!
Those patterns get passed down to them, and may pass on to their children, children’s children, children’s children’s children… and so on
Bizarre isn’t it?
Which is why I mentioned at the start of this portion
If you can accept that their actions have a positive intent, you can be more understanding towards them
And probably more importantly, hold yourself back from reciprocating in a negative way back at them
Thereby reducing the negative intensity of the actions and potential hurt
And why you?
Cause you are reading this and learning this new information XD
Well, if you share this article to your friends, family or your partner, then they too will learn how to manage themselves too
And understand you better too
Being aware or having a greater awareness of oneself is a good step towards change and healing š
The third thing (for today) is that humans are driven by emotion
Yes, people can think logically and make a logical choice, but the emotion will always have a factor for a majority
In fact, no matter how logical someone might be, they still have emotion coming into play
There was a study done by psychologists on people with some brain damage to the amygdala, which is the part of the brain controlling emotions
They thought these people will be the most logical people in the world, since after all their emotional part of the brain is damaged
The curious thing is that they found those people cannot make decisions!!
They became indecisive!!
And it was this study that helped them realize that emotion is crucial for us to make choices in our lives
For example, if you feel or want to eat chicken rice, that’s driven by emotion
Even if you are on a diet and logically change to salad, that craving for chicken rice is still there
Which is why there is cheat day, a day for people to eat what they want to reduce the cravings
Because otherwise, the emotional cravings will grow and grow and then break whatever they’ve been doing
Even choosing a job~
Yes, money can come into play as a logical factor, but knowing the potential stress or lack thereof, will make you more incline or adverse to choosing that particular job
In fact, if you pick a job that you are reluctant to do, it’s only cause of money, you will find that you might end up procrastinating on the work, dreading to go to work every day etc
That’s because you logically went against the emotion which is telling you not to pick this particular job
And that creates more issues for yourself
Funny right?
Well that’s it about humans then
The simple complexity of the human mind
While most everything can be explained with the understanding of the above
Just remember to give some leeway for deviance and unique circumstances
And eventually you can be able to look at certain behaviours, and based on your understanding of different types of people, you can guess what their background is like~
For example, a girl was sharing with me how this guy is talking to her and he shares how he is lonely and has no friends, and his previous girlfriend broke up with him
I ask if she knew whether he was raised by a single mom, and she was shocked that I guessed that information
By the way, this was conversed through Whatsapp text XD
I later asked if she knew that his previous ex or exes cheated on him, she confirm he only had one ex and yes she cheated on him
My next question was if she know this guy likes her, and she denies stating they are only friends
I told her, well I hope I’m wrong but this guy sounds like he might end up clingy, and obsessed if he does like her…
End up she confirmed with me a few days later, the guy keep appearing at her place, made food for her, wanted to know who she go out with and later confessed he like her which she rejected
Well, all in all, the more people you meet, and gather information about them and their background, the more easier it will be for you to read people in the future
People are relatively simple, even though they seem complex š
