Ok we can do this both ways, for the “cheater” and for the “cheated”
But before we attempt to resolve the issues, let’s first understand what’s happening
What happened that the “cheater” had to cheat?
I think if you were cheated on, you would have that question too
Especially if you had past boyfriends or girlfriends who cheated on you
So read on to find out
Why My Partner Cheat On Me?
Now this is entirely my opinion based on my therapy sessions with my clients who have been cheated on or are the cheaters themselves
So take it with a bag of salt if you want
I will still like for you to consider this with an open mind before you form your own opinions and understandings 🙂
We will tackle this question from both perspectives
However, I probably will only address from the perspectives of my clients
Which there is one difference to point out
My clients who were cheaters, want to stop cheating, whereas the ones out there who didn’t come to me yet may or may not want to stop cheating
So there will be other perspectives or thought patterns those out there have
For example, wanting to cheat cause it may give them a sense of power, which I will not be addressing
Ok, I don’t want to repeat too often haha
If you have been cheated on, your biggest question is probably…
Why Am I Encountering Cheaters Often?
So from the perspective of the cheated, there is a tendency for them to develop low self esteem because of the incident
Like are they good enough? Not handsome or pretty enough? Was the sex that bad?
Oh by the way, some of my clients have both genders that cheated on them, as well as various sexual orientations that cheated on them
So this article I’m sharing is generic for straight, gays, lesbians, bisexuals etc as well as both male and female
I don’t want to go too detailed for now haha if that’s ok with you 🙂
So as I was saying, the “cheated” will develop such feelings of low self esteem, low confidence, and might even fall into depression in the worse possible scenario
Now how did they attract “cheaters” into their lives in the first place?
Interestingly enough, some of them grew up in a household where the parent of opposite gender was absent from their lives
Whether its physical or emotional absence
This seems to create a sense that their partners in the future will be absent too
And yes, the parent who was absent could be due to work, or due to cheating as well as divorce or separated
Which is the next point, for some of them, their parent of opposite gender was a cheater too
This “teaches” them (my clients) to find a partner who is more liable to cheat on them in the future
Ok that sounds weird but follow me for a while longer cause it is about to get even weirder
Some of them who were “cheated” on, may have had low self esteem or low confidence in the first place, and this can “pressure” the partner to cheat on them
Especially if they were “possessive” and afraid of their partners cheating
Although this experience could also come from being cheated on in the first place
Quick sharing of a case study
A girl shared how her first boyfriend cheated on her with another girl, and her confidence and esteem crashed cause the other girl was in the army (I won’t say which country), so she thought she was quite pretty cause she is a model and yet the boyfriend cheated on her! This made her fearful of men cause she won’t know when she will get cheated on again. Interestingly enough, after more questions, she revealed that she suspected her dad may have cheated on her mum but cause she was a kid then, she wasn’t sure what she saw.
Now if you want to understand more deeper and in detail why and how we learn such things from our parents, you can read how the mind works here
Or watch this on my Facebook page, Lee McKing The Hypnotist
So Why Did My Partner Cheat On Me?
Things might get weird later on but I will share the normal stuff first
First off, some people might cheat because they were once cheated on before and this is like a kind of warped revenge
It’s rare but it’s possible
Most of my cases when the person is the cheater, is split almost evenly between two types
The first type, is that their parent of the same gender is a cheater
And what happens is they learnt from the parent (of the same gender) that cheating is normal
Now this goes into the unconscious mind ok?
It may not be that they think cheating is normal (although it’s possible some do think it’s normal, but the ones who think it’s normal will unlikely find me), the ones who find me have an unconscious programming that cheating is normal and they want me to remove such programming
Quick case study
A guy came to me crying, said he love his wife but don’t want why cannot control himself and he cheats repeatedly, sooner or later, we found out that his dad cheated on his mum, hence we resolve this issue with his dad and he stopped cheating within that session itself (it has been at least 3 years and he hasn’t cheated since 🙂 )
And yes, if the lady is the cheater, her daughter has a higher chance to cheat on her future partner too
The second type has 2 variations
The first variation is that the “cheater” is adopted
The second variation is that the “cheater” is the child of an adopted
HUH?! What does adoption got to do with cheating?!
Ok great question, let me explain
Because this is a surprisingly huge factor that came up with my clients who are cheaters
After some analysis of the situation, I think I have a better understanding of what has happened
It’s purely my opinion but what I think happened is that when the child was given away for adoption, the unconscious mind of the child has a question about why the birth parents don’t love him or her, why he or she was given away, etc etc
Even if the child was a baby, the mother’s voice and smell when he or she suckle the breast for milk is now different, and the baby can recognise this difference
This is because the unconscious mind is like a computer, it stores all the memories from birth til present, while the conscious mind is like the mouse on the computer screen
I’ll point out one more thing
You probably already heard of the belief that playing music like classical music to a pregnant woman might stimulate the unborn baby’s brain and have them be more intelligent
That’s the positive aspect of it
The negative aspect is if the mother says a lot of negative things, or if both parents are arguing often, unfortunately, the unborn baby can hear that too
Makes sense right?
Anyway, with or without any negative words being mentioned, the unborn baby can hear the mum’s voice as she goes about her daily tasks
For the entire 9 months (approximately) of the pregnancy!
Hence, the baby can and will recognise the mother’s voice!
How cool is that?
And yet, that also means if the baby was given away, or the mom passed away or something, the baby will realise the “new mother” has a different voice!
So if the baby has a perception that the original birth mother (or parents because the baby can hear the dad’s voice too when he is around) doesn’t love them and thus give them away, that might potentially create a program within the mind
“If I cannot find love within the family, I will seek love outside the family”
Hence, they can be lovely dovely during a relationship, and get married, but once they get married, the above belief might trigger and eventually, especially if the person is unable to contain him or herself, the person might end up cheating not because they wanted to, but because of this program
I know this sounds bizarre right now
Yet when I share this with some of my clients who were cheated on, they were shocked and surprised and asked me back, “How did you know he (or his father) was adopted?”
So I explained clearly the first variation
The second variation is a bit more complex
Generally speaking, the child has the above pattern of the first variation and grew up but manage to contain and hold back from actually cheating
Perhaps because of society, self, religion, whichever beliefs the person (can be male or female) abides by
Then they have their own children
One complexity is that the parent who was adopted doesn’t know how to love his/ her children well enough, and it recreates the belief as mentioned above
Thus the children may develop a similar belief or program, of seeking love outside the family cause they cannot find it within the family
And they may carry out the program in their mind as cheating on their spouse
The other complexity is that the parent did know how to love and love their children and knew how to show it too
Then what’s the other possibility is that the program mentioned earlier somehow got implanted into the DNA of the person, sperm for the male and egg for the female
Of course, we got many other possibilities too, like if the adoptive parents were abusive or not, at what age did the child knew he or she was adopted
Let’s have a quick look at some case studies
Case Study 1
A lady came to me in depression and suicidal after her boyfriend passed away in an accident. She’s married with a baby girl. She was adopted by parents who verbally abused her and called her a jinx, that she has to have a life of suffering because she brought bad luck to others. Previously, she was in love with her then boyfriend who she got married with, but for some reason, after she got pregnant with his child, her husband doesn’t shower love onto her anymore. Hence she cheated on him.
Case Study 2
A man came to me cause he was heartbroken when his girlfriend broke up with him. He’s married with 2 kids. He recounted how his dad was adopted and abused in the adoptive family, and thus, his father didn’t know how to love his children. He realise he was repeating the same patterns of his father, he didn’t know how to love his family. Hence he seek love outside.
Case Study 3
A lady came to see me feeling a loss after finding out her husband cheated on her for a couple of years already. During the chat, she kept wondering why he cheated on her. Upon hearing my explanation about adoption, she shockingly replied that indeed her husband’s father was adopted!
And I got several more like that
So What’s Next?
For the ones who do not want to stop cheating, I’m sorry… I cannot help much there
Hypnosis works best when the client wants to change or resolve their issues
So for both parties, we will be doing different things if you both want to repair the marriage and relationship
For the cheater, hypnosis is helpful to find that program and resolve it
Think of hypnosis as having the programming code to access the computer code in a person’s mind
But we can only access it if the client want to change
And yes, for the ones who want to stop cheating, they have done so through hypnosis 🙂
What about the ones who got cheated on?
You might be wondering why do hypnosis right?
You see, if you do not resolve the programs in your mind, even if your spouse has successfully stop cheating, you might still be thinking he or she will cheat on you
And this can create behaviours and emotions that might push your spouse away
Perhaps, some of you did do that, and push your partner away (in a relationship)
And that’s how hypnosis can help too
To aid you in resolving and healing this broken heart of yours
Anyway, this article is getting pretty long so I’ll end off soon
I just want you to know that you can heal from all this
And feel free to PM me if you got questions or have any feedback for me 🙂