The Biasness We Have Of Ourselves

Lee McKing authentic mirror image presentation

This might be a hard pill to swallow

Lately I had a few clients who have certain perceptions or biasness of themselves, and even to the people around them

Naturally, if the perceptions is good or positive, that is all fine and dandy

And if it isn’t good or positive, then that could be the reason one is facing issues or encountering bad situations

The question though, is it really good and positive?

That’s the tricky thing sometimes

We, as humans, tend to think (or want to think) of ourselves as good and positive

Not realizing, sometimes, that is a false positive

A common narrative of parents, is that their child is good and nothing is wrong

Like the child will always tell the truth, and nothing bad is happening

Yet, that is precisely the problem, and will lead to future problems

I’ve had cases where something like this happened

The mother thinks her 18 year old son is good and kind and wants to heal, but the son didn’t want to heal and refused any form of therapy or treatment

Before we started any conversation, he stood up and said he can help himself, he doesn’t need anyone’s help

And yet when his parents asked him why haven’t you helped yourself then?

His reply was that it wasn’t the right time

Personally, I think the boy wanted to get a diagnosis of mental health issues (depression) to downpes before his National Service BUT whether he was faking it or it is really existing in him, I do not know

Since he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, naturally he wanted to leave

Of course, the mom still believe he wants to heal and said he will come back

He didn’t

Lee McKing shrug presentation

What about white lies?

If the lie was said to make the situation better, would that be ok?

Well it depends, will you think it is not a lie or that it is a lie?

Would the situation potentially worsen over time?

Children might often tell a lie to get out of trouble – which makes sense

But would the parents cover that white lie with another lie, perhaps a lie that the child is always truthful?

Of course, the child might stop telling white lies, or the child will continue into adulthood and become a habitual liar

However, without proper education from the parents, more often the child will develop into the latter instead

Which can be detrimental to themselves, and the people around them

An interesting conversation happened recently, where a lady shared that when she is stressed, she will binge eat, and this causes her to put on weight

And so she will exercise to lose weight but it wasn’t working well

Which leads to her binge eating again

I pointed out that we need to target that stress, perhaps learn how to manage stress in a different way, or resolve whatever was causing the initial stress in the first place

Reduce stress, eat less, exercise effectiveness goes up – it makes sense

Currently you can see the negative spiral she is heading into if she continues

Instead, she flares up because she enjoys eating too much

That is what we call a secondary gain, there is a benefit to the problem

And also, most people look at the surface and don’t see the roots or the foundation

Presentation Lee McKing and Japan walk
Ok fine this is Japan XD

What can we do moving forward?

Well there are two ways to look at it, at yourself or dealing with other people

With regards to yourself, you got to recognize that you may have some “not so good” stuff

Whether it be habits, attitudes, emotions etc

And importantly, it is ok to have such negative things

We are only human

We have both good and bad

However it is only when we recognize we got such negative traits, can we learn how to improve ourselves

To change and heal properly

Avoidance is not the answer

It’s like, if you avoid to take out the rubbish, the rubbish will stack and you get flies and cockroaches and even a smell~

As well as germs and bacteria and mould

In the long run, you have to heal with worse things than just an ordinary rubbish in the beginning

That’s life

Moving in the right direction with small increment steps is way better than not moving and remaining in a pile of shit

Then depending on the context, situation, you may have to learn different things for each of them

I won’t be covering that today cause there are quite a few variables

Mainly, gaining awareness first is key, as well as acceptance

When it comes to dealing with people, because everyone has their own unique perspectives, it can get a bit tricky

Yes, you can see them as a good person, and yes, they can be good people yet dealing with some shit so they develop shitty traits

However, you cannot continue to turn a blind eye and assume they are 100% totally good and pure

That’s like a delusion, a lie to yourself about other people

Of course, if they treat you well and treat others badly, that also means something

Presentation Lee McKing and relationship on fire

This is the tricky part

What if they don’t want to listen?

Like the lady above with the stress eating issue

Not easy to handle, either you choose to persevere and continue to attempt to open them up and help them… or you let them go…

You can pick the first option when its a close friend, a lover, or family

Because of the closeness of the relationship

Personally, when it is my client, I will let them go

This is because they were not open minded in the first place to resolve their issue, and often brought to me by someone else

Which highlights how they didn’t originally wanted to see me, they might have been forced or felt forced to see me

In which case, the more I share, the more defensive they become, because they didn’t want to listen or change in the first place

It will be naturally harder when you want to convince other people, and you might know them better than I do

Some require logic, others go with emotions

Yet some just don’t believe regardless of any form of evidence

So you got to be patient with them

AND if you recognize there is a possibility they have a secondary gain, a benefit to the issue, then it will be quite tricky indeed to help guide them back

Depending on the benefit or gain, worse case scenario they might need a huge devastating mental realization before they begin to see and change

Then of course there is a possibility they get offended by you sharing stuff for them to get help

All in all, you may or may not be able to change the people around you

Presentation Lee McKing and fail to be hypnotized

If anything, start with yourself first

What are some things you have been avoiding to look at, things you told yourself even though it might not be true

When you can recognize and change this, the things around you will start to change too

Acknowledging the relationship has issues will mean there is an option to learn how to make things work, and it will be so much better than to pretend all is well

Recognizing that if you pamper your kids, they might not learn how to do basic stuff in the future, so you can begin to teach them now

That will be a good reflection for the New Year 2024!

I shall end with a famous quote

Knowing others is wisdom;
Knowing the self is enlightenment.
Mastering others requires force;
Mastering the self needs strength.

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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