You know what?
This can go into multiple paths in different aspects of life
Whether it is the pursuit of happiness, how to attain wealth, finding love etc etc
Today I will be going along the line of mental health
But hey, if you are curious about the other aspects, drop a comment to indicate your interest and I’ll share in the future!
So anyway, what exactly are we doing wrong with regards to our mental health??
For the most part, most people are running away from emotions that are deem negative
You see, to be human means that most of the things that make our biological psychological and even spiritual are pretty much essential
Although of course, over thousands of years of evolution and whatnot we may lose certain bits and pieces
Or something becomes redundant
And these “negative emotions” are deem “negative” right now
So people tend to avoid them
But are they really “negative”?
What if they are essential to our emotional well-being?
And does running away or avoiding them solve the issue at hand?
We know it’s anger but what is anger?
Anger is an intense emotion that is usually felt when you feel someone has done you wrong, or has provoked you in some manner
Essentially, anger is an emotion for defending yourself, whether physically or emotionally
If someone accuse you of doing something you didn’t do, that can be seen as an “attack” and to “defend” yourself, you get angry and shout back
The problem is of course, when a situation or instance had no “attack” upon you and you get angry in spite of the “lack of an attack”
Then anger becomes a problem
Or when the anger is towards subject A, but you bring it forward and project onto subject B, C, D
That is a problem too
An example might be getting scolded by your boss for a mistake, then carrying that anger and frustration back home and scolding your kids for no apparent reason
Naturally, that is one wrong way to handle anger – projecting anger onto people who were not involved in the first place
Another wrong way is telling yourself not to get angry in spite of the “attack”
This is because if you are truly wronged, that it is reasonable to get angry, rather then accepting and remaining meek even though you didn’t do any wrong
That will only allow more people or more situations to wrong you and take advantage of you
The last thing is that when things do not go your way, some might get angry and frustrated, others might get upset
However, things that didn’t go your way is not an attack on you
Sometimes it is the luck of the draw, like in a game or just happen to get a plate of chicken rice with a bit less rice
Worry, anxiety, being nervous or jittery
Anxiety is an emotion that makes you wonder what is going to happen in the near future (or distant future for some) because you do not know what will happen
Essentially, anxiety is an emotion that helps you think and perhaps overthink in preparation for the near future
Truthfully we won’t know everything that will happen in the future
I might be cooking scrambled eggs and I know they will turn out fine, but who knows if I get a sudden call which made me overcook my eggs?
I could be preparing for a presentation and have no idea what will happen, how people might see me, and the anxiety makes me think of ways to prep for it
The issue is that we might get stuck on the thinking and prepping which generates even more anxiety
And yea, telling yourself “not to be anxious” doesn’t really help
Breathing exercises might help somewhat
Another thing I do, if I am nervous before speaking in front of a crowd, is that I shout one word to release the energy within
For me, I will use the anxiety to think and prep (important is to take action to prep rather than just stuck in thinking mode)
However, what if there is nothing to prep?
Then there is nothing you can do anyway
So why worry?
When my mom had a stroke and was admitted to hospital, my brothers got worried (which is understandable)
My view was that she is in the hospital, and with doctors who know best what to do
So there was no reason for me to worry about her condition
Thus, instead of focusing on “stay calm”, see if you can think of other perspectives or angles which can help ease you down
Most people probably has at least one fear in life
It could be the fear of cockroaches, frogs, lions, etc
What is fear?
Fear is an emotion that keeps us safe, away from danger, pain or harm
Like if you are on the edge of a cliff, then yes, the fear of heights will ensure you do not cross the edge and poof
However, if you are in a safe building and there is no way to fall off the edge, the fear of heights becomes an issue
Of course, the fear of heights can be useful too – it makes going on a roller coaster potentially a heck lot more fun!
Fear is a bit more complex although once you get it, it is simple to understand
It can be complex to explain in how the fear was contructed in you
Imagine you are a baby, and you see a cat fall in front of you, giving you a fright
To the baby, the cat is huge!
And from here you might develop a fear of cats
The other thing is that some fears might be passed down the generations
So the fear of spiders could be from all the way back to prehistoric times where spiders were the size of cars and ate humans!
Or movies, Facebook scare videos etc
Sometimes it is because the child observed a parent showing fear for the cockroach, and thus develop a similar fear because it seems natural to have such fear
Avoiding facing our fears just means the fears will continue to be embedded in our unconscious minds
Progressively stimulating said fear in a safe environment can help reduce said fear
Although the best is hypnosis to go into the unconscious mind to resolve and release the roots of it
Sadness deals with loss and grief, as well as hurt and pain
Naturally when you lose something, you will feel sad
Whether it was the loss of a loved one, or a loved pet, or a loved item
Of course, you might feel sad when you get hurt too, whether it is emotionally hurt or physically hurt
Now, in the event that you lost a loved one, it is reasonable to have that sadness for some time
Learning how to live life without that loved one, will need time to process
However, if it drags on for months or years and you are still sad, that becomes a problem
Or if you feel sad but with no idea why, no reason at all, that is also a problem
I had a client who called me and asked if I can help his aunt and uncle handle their grief, as their son had passed away and they are grieving
I said yes that is possible but when was the funeral?
Turns out it was that the funeral just started on that very day itself
I told him that it is ok to grieve during this time – their son just passed away all of a sudden!
It makes sense to be sad and so, if they are still in grief after a couple of months, we can reconnect and see how I can help
Perhaps by now you are starting to see a pattern with regards to “negative emotions”
They are not negative
Such emotions have a part and purpose to play in our lives
Some of it helps us handle things better, depending on the situation of course
So accepting that you are feeling this way is ok, and might even help you move on faster
In fact the complete avoidance of it, or absence of such emotions does not equate to happiness
That is the state of numbness – which isn’t a good place
A state of numbness might be the worse place to be in actually…
To conclude, if you feel some of such emotions, look at the situation and see if it makes sense
Sadness to deal with loss, anxiety for new situations etc
However, if you realize that the situation and the emotion doesn’t seem to fit then yes, you might have a pattern within that might be causing an issue
And if so, you can contact me to see if you really need to resolve it or not
Til then, stay safe and be well