Why do good people suffer? Why do good people die early?
Some of these questions and its variations are on a lot of people’s minds
Especially when we read news like this good Samaritan who died after helping in a car accident
Or when we read about innocent children caught in a car accident, stories of stillborn, or young people dying of cancer or some other illness
This question was asked recently from a client, and I did my best to share my views
So yes, these are my views, they may not be right, and may not be wrong either
Take it with a pinch of salt, or with a packet if you need more
Some of the reasons might be easier to understand, and some harder to comprehend
Trigger warning as we will touching on mental health topics like depression and su1c1des, as well as instances of death like illnesses and accidents
While this might be slightly heavy, hopefully this discussion can shed some light and clarity
Feel free to share your comments down below if you have anything to add
And for now, prepare a cup of coffee (mine’s instant coffee) and have a good read
1. The Perspective of Good People
Firstly, what is good and what is bad?
Perhaps we can define those who help others like the above good Samaritan as good, but does that mean those who do not help are bad?
What about those in abusive relationships who think their partners are kind people because they are kind to others and to animals, even though their partners abuse them verbally, mentally and physically?
And yes, unfortunately, a number of victims will still think their partners are good, hence stay on in the relationship
And why I am sharing this is because each of us might have our own moral code
Thus we might have our own slight differences in what is good and what is bad
Because there isn’t a clear indication, as well as to what extent
A liar could still be kind and helpful to others, how can we restrict him/her as only good or bad?
Each of us might have different qualities, creating a broad spectrum of greys
I feel that this is important to realize and understand as we go into a couple other reasons
– We Think of Our Friends as Good People
Like attracts like, and if we believe ourselves to be good, then we want to hang out with good people
The client who asked me this question shared how she had 5 good people who died tragically young, due to accidents or illnesses
So I asked her, how many of your friends are good people to you?
Because if we look at “statistics” she might have 90% she defines as good, and perhaps 10% as bad
Or even 100% too that is possible
That also means that the death of a friend, who is deemed as good, might seem to have a greater impact on us
However, we don’t know whether or not in the world, the number of “good and bad people” might die at an even and equal rate
– How Will We Know to Begin With?
Because let’s face it, we only know stuff from the world based on news
And perhaps, it is more newsworthy and eye-catching for the news to report the death of a hero
Such as a fireman who died in the fire while saving lives, or a police who might have died in the line of duty
Going with another example, Roland Tay is said to have done a lot of good work in providing pro bono funeral services as described by his clients in the comments of this story
Yet there were tax-related offences that was committed
Of course, only he will know whether he is truly good and just made a mistake
Or something else is afoot
Regardless we can see how the news might emphasize certain details for their headlines, and to get more readers
And of course, we can see how good people facing setbacks or mishaps might capture the news better
2. The Luck of The Draw
Sometimes it is just a case of wrong place wrong time
Especially when we are talking about accidents or even natural disasters
It may or may not be related to karma or even the Law of Attraction
Whatever it is, in this universe, we cannot truly reach the level of a perfect performance
Well, maybe for an instance you can get a perfect performance, but are you able to achieve that all the time?
No
Even a machine, a computer program, might get a bug or error, or the parts require maintenance
And when we talk about humans being involved, we are imperfect beings to begin with
A spilt second failure to respond might cause an accident on the road
That one time lack of careful preparation might cause food poisoning
We have to understand that because this world isn’t perfect, an issue might occur here or there
Like, there are easily an average of 101,807 (one-way) flights a day!
But what happens where there is a plane issue?
The news capitalizes on it and it seems like OMG so scary
So sometimes, such incidents is really just a heng suay thing
However, we as humans, might place a greater emphasis on things which are just normal probability
– The Randomness of Life
Do you know how many women around the world don’t know when they get a miscarriage?
And yes, some might not even know they were pregnant to begin with
Sometimes, it is random or “lucky” that the miscarriage occurs during the period
So they might think the blood flow is due to the period, and not realize it was a miscarriage, because they didn’t even know they were pregnant
I had a client who text me about experiencing bad period cramps and a headache until she fainted and woke up seeing her period blood all over the kitchen floor
Almost immediately, I told her, you need to go to a hospital now, I think you had a miscarriage
She claimed that she will know if she is pregnant and she isn’t, it is just her period
As luck will have it, her period didn’t come last month, which makes a pregnancy of a higher chance
She decided to listen to me and go to the hospital anyway, since she fainted and fell, in case of a concussion
And to her surprise, the doctor referred her to a gynae who said she had a miscarriage
Life is so random such that, even when we have a fetus growing, it is entirely possible to not have a “perfect baby”
More often than not, the baby turns out fine
However, there are cases where they might have some mild to severe abnormality, again, sometimes it is just heng suay in this manner
Other times of course, it is due to genetic factors
We have to understand that life is so random that… even with a pregnancy, we can only hope for the best
And not think that something bad happened because of stuff like karma
– But What About Karma?
Ok so some people believe in karma as coming from past lives or the good we do and how it might help us
Which… doesn’t feel right with me
I mean, if we think about it
If a person did such good work to build good karma and that’s why they don’t have to live so long anymore, why did they die in such a tragic way?
Why not have a peaceful end if that were true?
Someone in Quora shared that their belief is that the person has nothing else to learn in this life, and is now free and thus, they have a short life
Some might argue that their past lives were “bad” and that’s why they have short lives now
Again, if they are doing good to pay back their past karma, then why cut it short?
So I personally don’t agree with the idea of karma in this manner
But hey, if you have your own views about this, feel free to comment below
I’ll be curious if anyone can add more to this
What I might say about karma, is that it is more of our actions and its consequences in this life
If I commit a crime, I will have to suffer the consequences
Now if I did something which I feel guilty about, then my unconscious mind might generate an illness to “deliver a punishment”
Like I am suffering from the illness because I am guilty of stealing my parents’ money as a kid for example
From this angle, then yes, I can agree if the guilt or sin was big enough to warrant a heavy illness
Then I might pass on due to this guilt or sin
I dive deeper into karma here if you want to read more about it
3. Volunteers Are Good People
Naturally, most volunteers need to have a heart to help without any returns, and that is a sign of a good person too
Just like the good Samaritan in the above, being willing to help if he comes across a car accident
So in this section, I’ll share a couple of little known facts (and its possible outcomes) about volunteerism
– Volunteering Helps With Mental Health
And it is relatively true, volunteering or helping others can help you in your mental health
Susan J. Noonan, MD shared how volunteering helped her through her depression
So yes, helping others and seeing them happy can give a boost to your own mental health
However, we have to also recognize that volunteering is ultimately a temporary measure
To me, if the anxiety or depression is mild, then volunteering is a great way to get through those moments
However, in severe cases, it is also possible to have a counter-effect instead
In an extreme case of depression, it is possible that seeing the people you helped being happy, might make you wonder why you cannot feel that same happiness
And that unfortunately, might cause one to spiral worse than before
It is a rather delicate balance as they might end up in a worse state, and that’s where you might hear of mental health practitioners or advocates who ended up committing su1c1de instead
A friend shared not too long ago about a lady who was a strong advocate for mental health and parenting and yet, unfortunately committed su1c1de (I shall not share the link for this for her privacy)
I also recall years ago where a 30 year old US Christian pastor who started an outreach program dedicated to helping people with depression and su1c1d1al thoughts, succumbed to his own mental health issues, and committed su1c1de
When you understand that the severe cases require more help than just volunteering, you can understand why the above might occur
However, if you don’t realize or understand this, then it might come as a shock to you and it feels like good people die young
A suggestion: if you want to do volunteering to help with your mental health, consider therapy simultaneously
– Some Might Have Their Own Agenda
Now this doesn’t mean they are bad people, it is just that they might have other goals they want to achieve through volunteering, besides just helping people
Some might be volunteering so they can network with others, perhaps find a relationship
Others might be networking for potential business opportunities
There isn’t a right or wrong in this regard
However, there is a small possibility that a small fraction of such people might do volunteering to feel better about themselves when they commit a “big sin”
Now remember, these are just my views, and I want to consider as many possibilities as possible
I had a client who supposedly was a “good person” yet his wife kept hinting that he was a “bad person” in the family, and tricking outsiders with his “good persona”
To be fair, I do not know if this person does volunteering or not, but you can see how he might do so to relieve himself of the guilt of his “sins” (whatever they may be)
In fact, I can already think of another case but let’s just stop here for this as these are just examples
Regardless, they might be seen as good people because they volunteer, even though they might have other agendas
In such a situation, when they face an illness or a setback, outsiders might wonder why did they go through such a thing because they seem to be good people
Yet their families know the truth
4. The Character of Good People
Now good people can be seen as kind and charitable and we also got to recognize that sometimes, such people can be also considered naive and gullible
And this can create underlying issues which they are not aware of
You see, when a good person gets taken advantage of, like cheated of money for example
What will they do?
They might decide to let it go but later on in life, the pattern repeats itself
Now consciously they have let it go, however, unconsciously it is possible it is still kept somewhere within
And the build up of such negative emotions might eventually manifest into psychosomatic symptoms or illnesses
You probably already know that anger somehow causes blood pressure issues, heart issues, and might even cause stroke
Why is that so?
That will be considered a psychosomatic issue, where the emotion of anger causes a manifestation of illnesses
Psychosomatic doesn’t mean it is fake, rather that the root stems from the mind, or the emotions, manifesting into a physical form or illness
Thus a good person might get a stroke or heart attack because they have repressed their anger
They kept it hidden within and didn’t do anything to resolve
Now, a resolution will be a release of that emotion at the unconscious level, instead of just being calm on the conscious level
Of course, people who are always expressing their anger, might develop heart issues or stroke too
Expressing that anger, isn’t a way to properly release and resolve
Ok, don’t misunderstand ah haha…
In addition, some good people might also take suffering upon themselves
That they rather suffer in place of others
This in turn might manifest illnesses later on as well
To understand how our mental health might affect our physical health better, you can read this
5. It Stems From Our Childhood
Yup, sometimes someone is a good person because of their life experiences, perhaps seeing the abusive parent and deciding they want to be a different person
Or going through certain hardships in their childhood inspires them to create better helpful opportunities for others
That makes sense right?
So then we must also understand that because of such a “traumatic” childhood, something might have been seeded into their unconscious mind
Some of which links to Point 4, where the issue might manifest into an illness due to it being unresolved
Now it is also possible that some of the possible patterns might link to mental health like depression or anxiety, which also link to Point 3
Another personal view is that when a couple has an unplanned pregnancy and decides to abort the child, but change their mind and keeps the child instead, this might unintentionally plant a pattern of death
You might be surprised when I chat with my clients, and they share about how they had su1c1dal thoughts and they were actually an unplanned pregnancy as well
Now of course, I do understand that correlation doesn’t mean causation
So just have an open mind and read why then decide accordingly
You see, I believe the unconscious mind starts even as a fetus at conception and thus, anything the parents are experiencing, feeling, saying etc might be captured into the unconscious mind
And in fact, for unplanned pregnancies and talk of abortion, that might be one of the reasons why a child might have su1c1dal thoughts even at a young age
Of course, adding parents possibly arguing often, or lack of love, and with school stress, those might be factors too
I do not discount it
Essentially such issues might also cause one to manifest illness early on as well
That Sums Everything Up
Well, maybe there are a couple of things that I didn’t touch on
So if you got questions, just comment below
Now obviously I didn’t answer why good people die young
Rather, I share and breakdown that perhaps, it is a misconception or misunderstanding
Because truthfully, there could be bad people that are suffering too because of whatever they did
It is just that the news doesn’t deem it worthy enough to talk about them
Or that we do not realize or know what they might have experienced in their childhood
We also have to remember that there are many good people around us still
And especially if they are your loved ones
Then look at them, focus on them, appreciate them, love them
Treasure them for they are by your side
Hope this provides a bit of insights
Til next time, cheers~
