This is probably something that is across the entire world!
In terms of people thinking about this, validating it, believing it
So what gives?
Do girls really like “bad boys”?
Is there a science (or psychology) behind it?
Or is it just a gimmick?
I mean, you probably know of a girl or two (or maybe you are one such girl yourself)
Who has gone through relationship after relationship
Being involved with “bad boys”
“Bad” here is figuratively, and may include one or any or a few of the negative traits such as cheating, abusive, alcoholic, unavailable, etc
And not restricted to the above either!
If you noticed there seems to be a trend, then you might think this is true ain’t it?
Of course, as always, if you want to understand the mechanics of how something works
You need to understand a few concepts of the human mind
We learn from our parents
This is the fundamental building block of life!
Of course if you are one of the few who didn’t have a parent or two, there will be other factors coming into play
And unfortunately, I may not be able to cover those specific information today
However it does not mean you cannot learn from this sharing too!
You see, whatever our parents say or do, will teach us something whether good or bad
Ironically, the presence or absence of a parent might also teach us some things, and again it could be good or bad
Just bear with me and keep an open mind for now, it will all make sense later
Generally speaking, girls will learn from mothers how to be a woman, and learn from their fathers what to look for in a future partner
While boys learn from fathers how to be a man, and learn from their mothers what to look for in a future partner
This is a general trend, because for some of us, we might learn some traits from the parent of the opposite gender to be a part of us
So like I might learn 70% from dad and 30% from mom to make up me
Anyway, the child will also observe the parents interaction, whether good or bad
More importantly, the child will assume the parents interaction is normal and what they need to also fulfil as an adult in the future
And this is done unconsciously!
Now why is this important?
That means that if the dad was a cheater… the daughter might replicate that pattern and unconsciously seek a cheater to be her boyfriend
If the mom is a manipulative woman, the son might end up finding manipulative women to be his girlfriend
Of course, those are bad traits and you might be thinking
“Hey come on, wouldn’t the person grow up and know what is good and proper to fall in love with?”
Consciously they might… unconsciously they won’t…
I matched with a girl recently (then again I do match with a number of such girls)
So anyway, she happen to share that her dad physically abuse her mom, and her mom will in turn beat her too
And all her exes abused her
Why?
Remember, its an unconscious relationship pattern
Because she often saw her dad beating her mom, her unconscious mind has learnt that “love is to be beaten up by the guy” or “physical abuse is love”
Consciously she won’t want it duh~ but unconsciously she will find attraction towards such guys
And perhaps she want good guys (consciously she may or may not want it) but when a good guy appears, she will feel absolutely no attraction at all
There was another girl who shared how all her exes usually end up cheating on her, and after hearing what I shared above
She was shocked cause her dad did cheat on her mom!
By the way, if you read this and feel it’s you, it’s not you
I’ve met a lot of girls and maybe my aura as a therapist is very strong or something, cause they usually end up share their stuff with me
Share stuff with me but don’t want to date me HAHAHA
And there are a lot of common themes
Shrug
Anyway, to be fair, the guys have their own issues too, it’s not just the girls
And no I didn’t date any guys to know their stories, it’s because some of those girls tell me their exes family backgrounds
Also I can reference some of my clients and their stories
Like some guys might be so pampered by their mothers, that they end up want to find someone who can mother them
And if one parent left the family for whatever reason, if the child was young when it happen, then a possible relationship pattern is planted like “love is distant” or “love is not being present”
Hence being attracted to unavailability
So some girls have daddy issues, some guys have mommy issues
Of course, if the parents are good and all, then the kids won’t learn any weird patterns like this right?
Pretty much *nods head repeatedly*
So what I have in my mind is like a mindmap or spreadsheet of sorts
There are good traits and there are bad traits
And any human will have a combination of various traits, both good and bad right?
Can you find someone 100% good? Not a single bad trait?
Maybe, but more often there is a small small negative aspect
Let’s not go into religion because I have dated some girls who are of a certain religion that is supposedly good but the dad is physically abusive for example
Anyway, if the parent or parents are like 98% good but 2% bad, then it depends what the child observes and learns
If really suay suay bad luck the child learn the 2% and it grows into 20% for the child, then the bad trait will get worse over time
Or the child seeks out someone with those bad traits
So to sum up, it’s not like “girls only want bad boys”
Rather girls will find attraction to someone similar to their dads, and of course, boys will find someone similar to their moms
There is a variance!
If the girl learn 100% traits from her dad to be her for example, then she might find a guy who is similar to her mom… or she find a girl who is similar to her mom…
So yes, she might be a bisexual (I have confirmed with a few who have seen me, although I can’t say it applies to all for now)
There are a lot of other variance especially when we look at LGBTQ+ which I didn’t mentioned for now cause it will be too long hahaah
You can mix and match a bit with what you know so far
A reminder that if you are single, and you want to date well
Then look at their parents
Not so much physical, but their characteristics and attitudes etc
However, if you do realize your parents had some stuff which are not helpful to you but you inherited it
Then yes, you can see me to resolve those issues so that your relationship will be cleaner and smoother and happier
Just PM me here or on my Facebook and let’s have a chat
Take care and continue to learn and grow!!
