What’s The Hidden Number 1 Destroyer Of Relationships?

Presentation Lee McKing and relationship on fire

Of course, there are quite a few factors or reasons that may break a relationship up

And the obvious ones can be cheating, lying, abuse etc

Since you probably already know some of the obvious reasons

I thought to share a hidden reason

One which most people might not be aware of

Yet they might do often?!

Scary isn’t it?

Other than hearing my clients’ share about their relationships

You can see and hear it happening in the public space too

That’s how unaware people are about it

Yea they might stick around regardless of it

But in the end… it tears them from inside

There can be emotional hurt and pain

Or there is a sense of a barrier, a drift between the couple

And that’s why you need to be aware of it now

This hidden destroyer of relationships is none other than sarcasm

Huh?!

Yes, sarcasm!

I’ll share why in a moment but let me share a case first

Several years ago a lady came to me wondering why her husband wanted to divorce her

She was thinking to use hypnosis to find the memory of what happened

What went wrong?

You’ll be surprised how often this type of requests pop up

Anyway, before we do any form of hypnosis, I need to clarify a few things

“I want to ask… have you been sarcastic to your husband before?”

“No I never”

“Ok, then what led to the divorce?”

“I don’t know! We just started drifting apart one day and then suddenly divorce!”

“Things don’t usually happen suddenly so roughly when did this drift begin?”

“Hmm… maybe about 5 years ago?”

“Did anything happen 5 years ago?”

“No… it’s just that one day I angry at him then I sarcastic to him

“Ok so to clarify, you were sarcastic to him and then what happened?”

“Then he sarcastic back to me

“And then?”

“Then we angry at each other more often and argue more often…”

“And that’s what led to the divorce”

“Yea!”

“I’m curious… you actually were sarcastic to your husband before… why did you answer no in the beginning?”

“I thought it was nothing

Well as you can see from the conversation with her, she thought being sarcastic was nothing and thus didn’t tell me the truth in the beginning

More importantly, it was that being sarcastic at her husband led him to get angry and be sarcastic back

And the chain reaction of sarcasm causes more anger and arguments in the household

Lee McKing shrug presentation

Now I know you might be thinking

“But I sarcastic with my partner and we just playing around only!”

Let’s understand what happens with sarcasm and then we might understand the situation a bit better

Essentially we have 2 minds, the conscious mind and unconscious mind

The conscious mind is logical while the unconscious mind is emotional

I’m keeping it simple here hahaha if you want a deeper understanding, you can read it here

Anyway, when someone is sarcastic to you, your conscious mind can understand it is just a joke, it’s playing, he/she doesn’t mean it etc etc

However, your unconscious mind might still feel the hurt, the pain

Because words can hurt, even if done playfully

A random example will be a bully think it is just playing around with another person, while the victim feels hurt, pain, shame, guilt etc

In the above married couple example, the husband’s unconscious mind was hurt by what the wife said

Vice versa, when he sarcastically comment back at her, she got hurt too

If both are hurting each other with their sarcasm, naturally it will produce anger

Because anger is the emotion that assist with defense and power

And we note the chain reaction from one sarcastic comment

Leading to hurt and anger and more arguments over time

Which eventually can lead to a break up in the relationship or a divorce

Of course, another example of a break will be when the couple sleep in different rooms in the house instead

It’s not an actual break, but more of a physical and emotional distance from each other

Silence

Since talking to each other has become naturally sarcastic, angry and potentially even spiteful

And while it might be one time for that lady when she came to see me

Presentation client chat

I have had a few other people come with a similar background

No obvious reasons like cheating, lying, abuse etc

But the hidden factor of sarcasm was lurking and they eventually break up

They don’t feel the love anymore (in a way)

Of course, some people might feel more love with sarcasm

More likely so if the parents were sarcastic to each other or to their children when they were growing up

While on the surface this seems fine

Internally, there is a conflict

Of love and pain

Feeling love with sarcasm and yet feeling pain with sarcasm

Yes, it is possible they might not divorce either

And just continue to live a life of love and pain in the family

You know, that love hate relationship thing

Which can pass down to their children as a form of generational or family trauma

Of course, some people might think that once married you got a duty and responsible to stay together no matter what happens

But it’s tough to be in a marriage with no love and only pain…

Presentation Lee McKing heartbroken

That leaves only heartache

You can change this!

Now, if you can, reduce the amount of sarcasm you have

Technically if you can stop that will be best, but stopping is a huge task so reducing for now is fine

Be aware of certain aspects or areas where you cannot be sarcastic about

Like if your partner is insecure about their looks, then any jokes or sarcasm about it will be extremely hurtful

Finally, come from a place of love

Is it love if you intend to hurt your partner with words?

The answer is no

So if you thinking to say something, hold for a moment and think whether it is coming from a place of love, whether it might hurt your partner or not

And if it will hurt your partner, change those words

It ain’t easy but it is possible!

And of course, besides love relationships, it also applies to family, friends, and even coworkers!

Imagine if you have a colleague who is always poking you with sarcasm!

Naturally after a while it feels draining, hurtful and uncalled for

Or if you grew up with a sarcastic family!

The child will not know what is “love” and might associate “love” with saying hurtful words

If you are the one who is often sarcastic and do find that people seem to leave you for some reason?

Well at least you know why now, and hence, it is time to change it

I wish you the best, although of course, if you need a bit of help to change from the unconscious level, just PM me and we’ll arrange something 🙂

Take care!

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