Waa I D@mn Stressed, Can You Help Me?

waa i d@mn stressed can you help me

Other than the usual stress load that we already getting from work, family, relationship, money etc

Covid 19 hit us in the face in 2020 and that changed everything

A normal 8am to 5pm (or 9am to 6pm) job that is normally pretty decent, safe and secure is now suddenly on the rocks

It feels like being pushed to the cliff and the cliff itself is crumbling

Even if your job is safe, the work from home has become the standard and the new norm

And yet, our minds are cracking from the stress, pressure, and work now never seems to have an end point

Especially when boss text or email you about something urgent

Your work laptop is now at home so… hard to deny it also…

Sigh…

Even though the state of being stressed out seems bad…

I will like to invite you to consider…

Can stress be good?

Sounds weird I know

But stick with me and hear me for a minute or two ok?

Ok fine, 5 minutes, I know I tend to share a lot hahaha XD

Well first of all, we need to understand what is stress all about

Simply put, it is a reaction to a change in the self or the environment

In fact, pretty much our emotions are as such

You managed to get the latest phone, and you got absolutely elated

Your grandfather just passed away… and you succumb to grief and sadness…

Your boss gave you more work that was unexpected (or even expected) and you got more stressed…

These are all changes in the environment, and our emotions are reactions to those changes

Hence, stress is simply that

Just like all our emotions are a state of our mind, stress is also such a state

So what, you might ask

And I’m glad you asked

Similar to what I covered in this article of the “Yin and Yang of Hypnosis

I also believe that all our emotions play a necessary role in our lives

For example, the emotion of fear is to warn us of danger and to keep us safe

The emotion of anxiety is for new experiences and keeping us prepared in one way or another

Anger is to defend ourselves and gives us some form of power

Sadness deals with loss and grief

So then, what about stress?

You see, these seemingly negative emotions can play important roles in our lives

But yes, the problem is when such emotions get out of control and we are unable to handle it anymore

Too much fear keeps us from moving forward

Too much anxiety makes us overthink in being prepared for an event

Too much anger causes frustration and potential violence (whether physical or verbal)

Too much sadness makes us lethargic and seem like in depression

So then we know that too much stress cause us a lot of problems

Like feeling trapped, overwhelmed or overloaded

So what’s the positive of stress?

What’s the intent behind us having or experiencing stress?

Stress, my friend, is for growth and learning

Presentation Lee McKing and positive
Volunteer Work in 2017

Wait what huh?

Ok hold on, don’t blow your mind to space just yet

Stay with me or you got to reread this again

I know this may seem bizarre

Although hey it’s me, I got enough weird stories and theories to last a lifetime or two

And you know what

It might be a good time for a story

If you don’t want to watch the video, here’s the short rundown

A lobster is all soft and mushy and needs a tough shell to protect itself

However, it will come to a point in time where it gets all uncomfortable in the shell because it’s growing

And now it needs to find shelter under some rocks to shed away the old shell, break out of it and grow a new one

Essentially the lobster feels stress from being stuck in its same old shell and needs to break it in order to grow!

Hence the quote in the video

“That times of stress are also times of growth”

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski

And that is why I say stress is for growth and learning

Perhaps it might still be tough to understand it

I get it, I have been there too

So many questions

First of all, breathe and we will go through this ok?

Let’s look at work stress for a moment

When we get stress from the tasks, projects or events

Or sometimes from bosses who breathe down our necks

Let us look at some of these things and see what kind of growth or learning we can get

For the mundane tasks that is repeatable and yet overwhelming, you could possible learn methods to improve the tasks completion, to streamline processes so things will get easier

What about new projects and events?

One can deduce that such assignments might require one to learn and develop new skillsets

And the bosses breathing down your neck does add additional stress too… for you to figure out how to improve certain processes, work output etc

Or maybe in the worse case, to realize this job ain’t for you haha

Shrug hey it’s possible too

What about relationship stress?

And that’s a good question, what can we learn from a stressful relationship?

Well it also depends on what constitutes the stress in the relationship

And if you do look at your own relationship to see what is creating the stress

You might agree with me that communication can potentially relieve or even resolve the situation

So yes, that’s something you can learn too

Well both of you I suppose

Learning how to communicate effectively and cleanly with each other

To be open and authentic with each other

To learn how to love each other better

In fact, a lot of people have issues in their relationship that causes a lot of stress

You are not alone

You’ll be surprised how often I hear of relationships (whether married or not married) where the female is doing so much in the relationship and for the male, and yet the male does not reciprocate

Having said that, I also do hear of cases where the female doesn’t know what she wants in a male and this causes her to change boyfriends easily or even cheat

The list goes on

But seriously it takes 2 hands to clap

Both parties must willingly want to work their issues through

Hey, if your partner send this to you to read, please reflect on what you are not doing well ok?

They didn’t tell you, I tell you

But… what if you don’t know what you are doing “wrong”?

Other than talking to me, you can search my website for other articles on love and relationship

Anyway I digress

Relationship stress is a way for both parties to learn how to communicate better with each other, to love each other more fully, and so much more

Presentation Lee McKing and being away

Even exercise is a form of stress on the body

Exercise stress stresses the muscles and this causes to muscles to grow stronger

So yes, I’m talking about physical stress ah

Too much mental stress can admittedly dampen the body

Back to exercise

When you train your body, you put your body through physical activity that pushes your muscles to the limit

Some people push past the limit, some just hit it good enough

And this is a form of physical stress, which aids in the growth of stronger muscles!

Ironic I suppose, when we don’t know this applies to our mental state too

We can have adequate mental stress that causes our minds to grow, expand and learn

Unfortunately… there is a tendency for most of us to dispel the mental fatigue of work (for example) and our minds gets overloaded with stress eventually and this can cause quite a few issues

Quick story time

You probably already know that my lung burst for no reason in my sleep when I was 20 years old (if you don’t know, read this story)

And I did a chest surgery to fix it

However, I was attending poly and it was so painful to carry my laptop and books around

So I ended up chugging my laptop and books and bag in a locker and decided to attend lectures with nothing in my hands

i went in with the aim to record the entire lecture in my mind

The stress and pressure of potentially missing out of my lecture versus the pain of carrying my laptop and books, cause me to develop a nearly photographic memory

I say nearly cause I do not have a photographic memory!

I can remember things if I want to remember, word for word

But that’s because I record the entire lecture in my mind like it’s a video

So not just word for word, but the time the lecturer walk from one end to another, the tonality she was using, the other students and where they were seated, who stood up for what reason etc

Until lecture ended then I stopped recording in my mind

Simply because there is no backup so I got to remember everything now!

16 Lee McKing NUS public speaking

So what can you do about your stress?

Perhaps you can start by identifying which stresses can potentially grow or develop you, and which stresses are negative and limiting

These are unique to you, remember this ok?

Just because boss is harsh, does not mean boss want you to grow

Some do, some are just mean… shrug

Write it down, all the stresses and where they are coming from, then indicate which might be good for you and which aren’t

The ones that are good, doesn’t mean you keep them, but rather, figure out what can you learn as a result of this particular stress

Then go and learn it, develop, grow it

Like in my case, my memory

The ones that are negative, see what can you do about it

Resolve? Reduce? Or if really cannot, can you live with it??

And if you need to, you can join this Slack community that I just created

You can create an anonymous display name if you need to rant, or ask for advice with a growing community

Join my Slack community here

However, if you prefer to figure things out by yourself, that’s ok too!

I got a video that can help guide you to manage your stress levels

Do take note though, practice makes perfect 🙂

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