It’s the start of the New Year 2021 and boy, is it pouring in Singapore right now
I’m sitting here thinking and writing this as the rain outside pitter patter away
Although I’ll admit, yesterday had a heavier downpour, and the weather was so cold and cosy to lay in bed just a bit longer~~~
Anyway, some people don’t like the rain, and some do
I like the rain… when I’m indoors hahaha
How about you?
Now some people might say “oh how New Year and first thing we get is rain, so moody and depressing”
Yet others might say “oh great, the rain is washing away the past year so we can freshen up for the new year!”
What gives?
Why do we have such differing perspectives?
There could be more, I just put 2 of those down for reference
And that’s the topic for today
We will look into some positive mindset stuff (not all, just a bit)
And how you too can start a positive change in your life (if you need it, or share with a friend who needs it, and if you got this link from your friend, maybe you should read this to the end)
So… What’s a Positive Mindset?
Well first off, there may be slightly differing points of view of what makes a positive mindset
My suggestion (if you are big on this) is to read and take what you feel most comfortable with
Or take everything
Whatever works eh?
Before we go into what’s positive and what’s negative, we have to understand what makes a mind set?
Get it?? Mindset mind set
But I’m partially serious too
What is within us are beliefs, values, attitudes etc with respect to different areas of life such as love, money, career etc
And more often that not, we learn most of it from our parents when we are in childhood
And once we reach teenage years onwards, all this stuff in your mind will start to settle, and it stays there
Hence, your mind will set whatever you learn from your parents, to develop your mindset
This is just a brief, I share a lot more in another article I wrote previously (click this link if you want to know more on mindset)
Now what does this mean for you?
You cannot have a full 100% positive mindset (unless you were brought up in a family that was 100% positive) until you resolve every negative thing in your mind
For example, you can be rich, and have a lot of money easily, but if there is something negative about your love life, then you can “positive” about money and yet “negative” about love
Although I am using the terms of “positive” and “negative” loosely here at the moment, so don’t assume that it’s all black and white, there are shades of grey too
Ok now, we understand what makes a mindset, the next is positive versus negative
The funny thing is… a lot of people misinterpret what is a positive mindset or what is positive thinking…
I’m sorry but you may be one of them too
Let me give an example:
My friend John had a fight with his wife and he decided to tell himself, “It’s ok, things will get better”
Now, can you tell me if that is positive thinking or not?
And please guess it
So at least we know if you are right or not
Have you got it?
Don’t look down for the answer just yet
Until you got the answer~
It’s not positive thinking at all (to me anyway)
To me, it’s what I called a “false positive”
Where being positive might put one in a state of denial or lack of action to solve the problem
Heck you can google this if you don’t trust me (although I did touch on this here too)
So what does it mean to be positive?
Well for John, he could have found another way to communicate with his wife, or figure out what is the root issue of the fight in the first place, he could also seek help with a marriage counsellor or a relationship coach (or anyone really) where he and his wife could address the issues much more clearly and from a third party perspective too
To me, being positive means looking at it from another angle in hopes to find a solution or way around the issue
The “false positive” doesn’t do that does it?
And if John has a negative mindset?
John will find his friends, complain and talk about it, but when his friends offer any advice, he doesn’t listen, say it wouldn’t work, etc
Someone with a negative mindset will be “stuck” in their problems and go in circles
Someone with a “false positive” mindset will be somewhat denying the issue and pretending everything is ok
Someone with a positive mindset will be wanting to find ways to solve the issue
That’s the gist of it so you can understand a bit better
If you reach this far, kudos my friend!
Next, I will share how you can adopt a more positive mindset over time
I wish we got a magic pill to change everything from negative to true positive
Well… hypnosis is one way haha
But I want you to find your own ways too, especially if you are uncomfortable to see me for now
So here’s – starting a positive change!
Well, we go back to the rain for a moment
Different people have different perspectives of the rain during the New Year
I want you to just imagine this for me
Don’t worry, it’s nothing much
Just imagine a picture in front of you, a picture of the rain
Or imagine the rain outside your window
Heck better yet, if it’s raining right now, take a picture with your phone!
Now I want you to imagine that picture of the rain is in a particular photo frame (or edit it if you manage to get a shot)
And in that frame, what does the picture feel like?
You need help with what kind of frame?
Ok imagine a black frame, simple black frame
What does the picture feel like?
Now I want you to edit the frame to another frame, maybe a golden ornate frame
Now what does this new image look and feel like to you?
In fact, I’m curious whether you notice the picture seems to change a bit?
You could even play a third frame and see what happens!
Now you might be asking me, what’s all this about eh?
This is to show you something called reframing
Yea literally just changing the photo frames right?
And yet that gives you a different emotion or thought when you look at the same picture
That’s one step towards being positive
Being able to look at the same situation but through a different perspective can help you feel different emotions, have different thoughts and insights, and allow you new ways to find new and different solutions
Just like John, he could attempt to look into what is causing the fight in the first place, but if he couldn’t, he can seek help from a third party to work with his wife on how to resolve the issues
As long as he is willing to listen of course
Please don’t ask me what if the wife isn’t willing to listen… that’s the wife’s problem (then yea the wife will need to read this article to open her eyes to realizing she might have a negative mindset about relationship, family, love, marriage, etc)
Anyway~
Another way to look from a different perspective, is through another person’s shoes
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes
Billy Connolly
So John can imagine he was his wife throughout the day and attempt to figure out what happen prior to the argument when he got home (or if it was a weekend, what happened that could have made her angry)
Of course, this quote doesn’t just guide you to do this, this quote also talks about having and practicing empathy with others
One last thing I can share with you
There are choices to everything
Which means there are solutions to any issue too
Whether you like the solution or not, that’s another thing
But having the awareness that there are solutions is so much better than the guy (or girl) who denies as if there are no issues and pretend to be happy
Then they are just lying to themselves
That’s about it
Just a quick sharing to guide you on the way to having a positive change in your life
Be it career, business, money, love, etc
Now what will you do?
I’m just curious but you don’t have to tell me I suppose
Which aspect do you want to improve upon first and foremost?
And remember, you can be positive in one aspect yet negative in another
So ideally, you work through all the aspects ok?
Til next time, take care, stay safe, and keep an open mind! 😀
