10 October 2019 is World Mental Health Day and in particular, the focus is on suicide prevention
Of course, someone might have suicidal thoughts based on various reasons, ranging from mental health issues, to gambling, other forms of addiction, financial issues and more
Any of the above, or even a combination of the above might potentially push someone to think of suicide as a form of escape
But it’s not
Because it’s pushing of responsibilities to the ones left behind
Pushing of suffering to family
It’s a form of escape from oneself, but not necessarily from the problems left behind
Of course, who am I to say what’s happening behind closed doors right?
The short run down is that I did have suicidal thoughts before
Thankfully, I did not attempt anything
Here’s the background story if you are interested
I was 20 years old when my lung burst in my sleep
It happened for no reason, even the doctors couldn’t explain what had happened
And to quote the doctor, I nearly died in days or even minutes because my right lung had already collapsed to the size of a chicken egg
I spent two weeks in the hospital where they did an operation to fix my lung
They discovered that my lung had burst with not just one small hole (as they had predicted), not just one large hole, but with multiple large holes at the top of my lung
No wonder it collapsed so fast in a few hours!
They had to remove the top part of my lung and stapled that big hole up
They also scraped the lung and the membrane so it will clot together and prevent possible collapsing again
However, since the doctors had no idea what happened to my right lung, they told me to be careful with my left
For it might burst too
You can’t imagine how much mental stress I had with the unknown
The unknown reasons for why my lung burst in the first place
The unknown possibility of my left lung bursting
The unknown of whether I will live through the night
Each and every night
And as luck with have it, I developed a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder too
My unconscious mind linked the near death experience with delivering a presentation
So after every presentation, my mind experience death
Again and again and again
It was a form of PTSD, only I didn’t know it yet
I thought I was now suffering from severe stage fright
I subsequently fell into depression too
With all the mental stress, and physical suffering I was going through
That was when I contemplated suicide
Looking back, it was rather funny
When I thought of different forms of suicide, I realize I will either look ugly or if I failed, then I will be in a worse state
Either that or that my family will have to clean up the blood or suffer from another loss
That made me sad, and yet made me not to do anything
So I just tahan (endure) through it all
Until I found Neuro linguistic programming and hypnosis and learnt them from 2 different schools in order to heal myself
But that’s a different story
Of course, you might be wondering
Didn’t anyone spot anything?
About how much I was suffering?
The signs?
Ah… good question
All they saw was after a presentation, I will run to the toilet and only be back almost an hour later
They didn’t know I was physically collapsing onto the sink
They didn’t know my tears, mucus and saliva flowed uncontrollably
They didn’t know I was in a state of fear, confusion and despair
They saw me deliver a presentation, and disappear for an hour, before coming back appearing a little worse for wear
That was it
Perhaps they even thought I was being weird (who knows)
Although there was one time, I had a female classmate who came to the toilet to find me because I was gone for so long
By then I had stopped crying and had washed my face clean so she wouldn’t have known anything either
So why didn’t you tell anyone McKing?
Well, probably the same or similar reasons why many people out there are suffering and don’t tell anyone either
Reasons include, we didn’t know what was going on, so we didn’t know what to do
We also didn’t know who to tell, who can help us
We also didn’t know what will happen if we do tell
What if instead of help, we get ridicule? Criticism or worse?
After all, we were being all weird by being moody and disappearing right?
Especially with the stigma around mental health
So now you know better
And whether you are suffering yourself or you suspect someone might be suffering
What can you do?
If you are quietly suffering, regardless of what you know, seek help
If you wish to avoid letting your family and friends know about it, send an email or call some professionals and enquire first
I think having an understanding of what is happening helps us feel better first and foremost
(And also just in case our family and friends jump the gun with assumptions)
From there, you have options now
And there are always options
So after having an idea of what’s happening, that’s where letting your family and friends know about it will be easier to explain and avoid assumptions or otherwise
What about if you are a friend or family and suspect your loved one is suffering?
Note the signs, be open and genuine when you ask how are they
Be their emotional or physical support
Be understanding of their situation
Be there for them, and show concern to your loved ones
You could read up to get more information about the signs and check if they want to seek help
If they do not want to seek help yet, just be there for them and don’t force help upon them
Of course, the above is not exclusive and there could be variations according to each individual
It’s just a good starting point
When someone who is suffering and thinking of suicide, realises that their family and friends are there for them, it makes it much harder for them to do anything
And this leads them towards seeking treatment much more easily
So never ever scold them or criticise them
Never ever abandon them
Never ever ignore them
If you truly love them, be there for them
Let’s work towards a more inclusive and supportive community
And it starts with you 🙂
Thank you for reading!
