Ok NLP Presupposition might seem like a mouthful so let’s take it step by step!
I was thinking what to write about and after some thought decided to fall back on something pretty core to me
Because while it is core for me, and thus, I am familiar with it
It may or may not be the same for you!
So I thought, why not share some NLP Presuppositions to help raise the awareness of ourselves and the people around us?
Now first of all, what is NLP?
NLP stands for Neuro Linguistics Programming and if we break it down
- Neuro – relating to the brain, the neurons, the nerves
- Linguistics – relating to both verbal and non-verbal language
- Programming – relating to our beliefs, values, how we work, how we can change etc
Thus, it is understanding how our verbal and non-verbal language can assist with change within the mind and body, thoughts and behaviours
Well, that’s my way to interpret it and other people could interpret it their way too
A simplified way I look at NLP is that it is what it means to be human
Now that you know what is NLP, what is an NLP Presupposition?
An NLP Presupposition is an assumption or a belief statement that helps us to understand ourselves, or the people around us, and might help us to assist with changework too (if we are their therapists or coaches of course)
Because if you learn this and use it to understand your partner, but your partner isn’t ready for change, you just got to be patient yea?
Also, you are not your partner’s therapist! (Unless you are… lolol)
So today I want to share 5 NLP Presuppositions which might help you in your life!
1. The meaning of communication is the response you get
So what does this mean?
Essentially if you are having a conversation with someone, and you find that you are not getting the response you expected, what do we usually do?
We may think that the other person isn’t listening, or they don’t understand, and we get upset
And although those are possible as well
One thing we don’t realize is that it might fall upon us, to the precise, the words we are saying, or the way we are saying it
Meaning, it may be due to how we are communicating which leads to the response that we are getting from the other party
This can also be attributed to a number of things, such as generalizations, deletions and distortions during communication
- generalizations are broad statements which are untrue
- deletions occur when we omit certain information in order to direct or change the narrative
- distortions are incorrect assumptions of another’s words or actions
And if we do that, that we are not being clear with our communication too, which will lead to misunderstandings
The tone can play a part too!
Sharing with a partner about something that you don’t like about their behaviour can be in a neutral tone, or you might be having a harsher tone as if they are the problem, not their behaviour
This can destroy relationships especially when people aren’t their behaviours
Just having an understanding of this can allow you to use cleaner language with other people!
Thus, communicating with intent and having a better conversation 🙂
PS If you ever have a chat with me before and wonder why I share so much, is also because of this AND it links to the 2nd NLP Presupposition 😉
2. People are doing the best they can with the resources they have available
How does this help us understand others?
Well, when I look at other people who might have issues for example, and I think of this statement
To me, it means that they are doing the best they can based on what they have or what they know
So if they know this much, they can only do this much
Now, this also means if they know more, they can do better as well (which links to another NLP Presupposition!!)
Now maybe you are wondering, you might have met people who are supposedly quite educated and yet, they seem to be doing meh~ with themselves or their lives
How does this relate?
To have a better illustration, it reminds me of a client who came from a rich family so yes, he has a lot of resources
However, the family pampered him and spoilt him when he was young, which made him develop certain beliefs or patterns in his mind
Essentially, because everything can be automatically done for him, he doesn’t need to do anything!
That’s why he is avoiding work even though he is an adult
Sounds odd I know, but he is doing the best he can, considering the family is doing everything else for him already
And yes, in a way, his best is almost nothing
I cannot help him, unless he want to help himself, and at the same time, it is also because the entire family themselves need to realize what they are doing isn’t helping him at all
They are… in a way… ensuring that he remains a child for the rest of his life, unable to do almost anything besides eat and sleep
It sounds harsh
But hopefully, if the family knows and realizes this, they then can do better
3. The most important information about a person is that person’s behaviours
Yes! People are not their behaviours!
However, this NLP Presupposition is talking about the information of a person, not the person themselves
The distinct clarification is that their behaviours might give information and clues about what they are thinking, their intention, how they are feeling etc
In fact, you can read a lot! But that is probably more for me
If a person tells you something, and you noticed over a period of time, that their behaviours do not match with their words
Then trust the behaviours, not what their words
Like I had a client come to me and tell me how much they want to resolve their issues, but as she shared about her issues, something stood out to me
She would turn her face away from me, yet look at me from the corner of her eyes, and her smile appearing even though she is supposedly sharing a story about her hurts, depression, sadness
Now, why would she do that?
Those exact behaviours allowed me to realize that she was using her “issues” (whether or not they are true) as a way to get attention from others, and her behaviours also suggest to me that she was checking to see if I believed her words (or lies if they are untrue issues in the first place)
Naturally, I won’t be taking in this client since I can’t solve an issue that doesn’t exist
Also, I can’t help with her lying issue if she doesn’t want to resolve it
If you practice and get good at it, you can spot and figure things out in a single conversation with someone
Otherwise, it is fine to take some time, over several meetings as well
4. You are in charge of your mind, and therefore your results
This is so important for you (and maybe it can help with understanding other people too)
Truthfully your mind is powerful and you are able to direct it to focus on your goals and what you want to achieve in your life
Hence, you can get the results you want too!
And yes, you might have issues which are hindering you and preventing you from accomplishing what you want
Guess what?
Those issues aren’t permanent
You can look for resources to assist, or even knock those issues out
Linking back to 2, you can do the best you can with what you have
And linking to another NLP Presupposition (not mentioning today), you can do better when you know more
Whether it is learning a new technique, or getting help to resolve an issue, you are gaining new knowledge and information, which is exactly why you can do better and resolve that issue isn’t it?
Having an open mind and learning new things is crucial for our mind, our body and our life
Have you ever woke up one day and decided, enough is enough!
And you decided to make a change
You see, you can choose… you can take charge… it’s just that push had to get to shove, and then you made that decision
Yet that decision was always there wasn’t it?
If there is anything to take away from this
Think about the results you want to achieve, then move your mind towards it
You don’t have to always wait until its so painful before you take that step
5. When the person is ready, the resource presents itself
This is pretty similar to Lao Tzu’s quote
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will disappear.”
Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
This NLP Presupposition tweak it to resource because, it might not always be a person!
It could be a book, some article online, a random ad~
In fact, it was an ad for me, like, when I was ready for change and healing, a Facebook ad for NLP appeared! (Read all about it here)
Funnily enough, some clients did share with me that they have been Googling online for therapists and hypnotists for years, but somehow they never came across my website until recently, even though I have been around for quite a few years now!
Whether or not they did go for the others, they didn’t manage to resolve their issues and that’s why they are still searching and thus, found me that day
It’s this NLP Presupposition!!
They were not ready at that time, and that’s why they couldn’t find me!
And through this journey, whether it is because they read some stuff online or the issue became too unbearable, their mind became ready for change and poof~
I suddenly appeared to them
Not like a genie ah!!
I mean my website, my blog, my name, etc
Hahahahaha
Now this also means that if you have a question and something pop up somewhere which seems to hint an answer
Yes, you can take that into consideration instead of just dismissing it
Whether you want to call it the Law of Attraction, God’s guidance, your unconscious mind etc
Knowing and understanding this will help you a lot (especially when you link back with 4, you are in charge of your mind and your results!)
Bonus NLP Presupposition: You always have a choice
Ok this isn’t officially an NLP Presupposition but I like to think of it as it is
Because rarely, if any at all, is there a situation where there is no choice
Now, to clarify, in any given situation, there might be a good choice, and a bad choice
So there is usually a choice somewhere
Comment below if you disagree and what situation can you provide to show an example where there is absolutely no choice at all!
Like if you are in an abusive relationship, you can choose whether you want to end the relationship, or choose to stay in the relationship (yes you will suffer as a result but it is still a choice)
Of course, other choices in this example can also be to go for therapy by yourself, or even together
Or you might tell your child they have no choice but to go to school!
Actually, there is something called home schooling so that is also an option, just few take it
Now why is understanding this important?
Because if you are in a situation that seems bad, and you might start to feel upset, hurt, frustrated etc
Knowing this, recalling this, that you always have a choice might help you to begin thinking what else can you do that you haven’t considered?
Which links back to 2, so you can learn or acquire more information in order to do better, and 4, to take charge of your mind, and therefore the result
In fact, a lot of people don’t realize this but… choosing to do nothing about a situation is also a choice in itself
But of course, is that the best choice?
It depends
To sum up about NLP Presupposition
I hope these 5 + 1 NLP Presuppositions help you to understand yourself and to propel your success to greater heights!
Also to help you understand the people around you too
Of course, knowing this alone doesn’t make you a therapist so don’t attempt to help other people straight away just because you know this
Hahahaha
Unless you have acquired or trained in the necessary skills and knowledge to help those people 😉
There are many other NLP Presuppositions and if this piques enough interest, I might share them in the future too!
Otherwise, I think having this is a solid base to start with
Thank you for reading until here, and if you will like to help a friend learn new things about themselves, do share this article with them too 🙂
