tldr: true love can exist if the foundation of the relationship is love, and if both parties choose to love each other every single day
With Valentine’s round the corner, the topic of true love might come into play (especially when you realize that the most number of break ups occur around this period!)
So it sort of makes sense to me to explore love and what is it all about
You may or may not believe that true love is possible
Or you might think it only exist in Disney fairytales
(Besides, toxic relationships are a whole other thing)
Regardless, we can still look into how we get into a relationship, and what we do during that relationship
More importantly, how to love each other better
Love has to be the foundation of a relationship
And you might think this is a given right?
Wrong~
Many people start a relationship without love as a foundation, especially in this day and age
I want you to be honest with yourself as you read this ok?
Look at your current or previous relationship
How was the dating process like?
How did you two get together?
What were you both (if you know) looking at that attracted you to them?
If a large portion is the physical traits, then that is the wrong way to go about it
Even if you say you see physical first then see psychological, also not quite right
This is because if the person has very bad psychological traits, or just a bad character
You might just stick to them because of how handsome or beautiful the person is
Which can lead to potential abuse, or feeling empty and lack of intimacy, connection, and communication
A lady told me that all her exes match with her physical needs however, their character or psychological traits were lacking
And she asked me, why she cannot find a proper good relationship?
I’m like, that’s because you are looking at the wrong thing to begin with
Granted if she look for both physical and psychological together, things might have been better
She will not have continued dating them and thus, won’t have so many break ups over the years
On the other hand, I had a male client came with grief over his wife’s passing
It had been 8 years since her passing and he was still crying as he shared with me
The love and bond they had in their relationship and marriage, made him grieve and unable to move on easily
This is probably where the phrase, “You’re my forever and always” really sets in
How can it be true love if it’s all sex and money?
Isn’t it so?
A lot of couples get together for sex, or because they see the other person has money and they want to date for the money
If the reason for the relationship, or its foundation, isn’t of love, issues are bound to occur
I had a client who told me her mom dated and married her stepfather because he got money
In fact, her own father had money too and that’s why her mom got pregnant with both of them, to secure the men and married them
Before the men realize she has a terrible character and divorced her
To add on, her mom abandoned her when her father divorced her mom, and she went to find another man, the stepfather
To be fair, I can understand that money is important for financial security
But if you want to marry only because of money and not because of the guy, shit will happen
There was a girl who told me she is with her boyfriend because she see the potential financial prospects he can achieve, but he broke up with her because he wasn’t feeling the love anymore
Which is true, she was in love with his potential money, not so much him
Essentially, having a list of traits that you want or are looking for helps for sure
Just ensure that the priority is more of the psychological rather than physical
If your personalities fit each other better, whether it is aligned or complementary
It will be far more likely to be love or even true love, rather than based on height, size of something, or face
Choosing to love every single day
Yea it might sound funny but hear me out
Love isn’t a one time thing, been there done that and that’s it
No
Loving someone can be done, and ideally is done every single day
If you love your partner and they are your priority, or someone you value highly
Then a number of decisions you got to think or consider from their point of view
That is one way to choose love every day
I’m going to reference Melvin and Grayce for a bit of possible analysis
And of course, this may or may not be true
Whether Grayce did have an affair with Melvin in order to get her promotion and financial status
However, in this hypothetical instance, if Grayce did love her husband (or then boyfriend) and choose to love him even if the “opportunity” for promotion came, would she still have done it for the money?
If she love him, she might have thought twice about this “opportunity” knowing it will hurt her boyfriend isn’t it?
So either she didn’t love him to begin with
Or it is possible she did love the guy, but she love money (and maybe sex) more than her actual partner
And that is just sad
What today’s relationship ideals have become
Besides that, are arguments
If you feel like you need to “win” the argument, more than to show love to your partner
Well, that might also cause some relationship tension isn’t it?
In fact, when you think about it, if you both love each other, will there be arguments to begin with?
Or would it more of amiable chats and discussions about opposing views and opinions?
That’s what I mean by choosing to love every day
Why would I want to fight with someone I love?
So what is true love?
There are a lot of things to make it true love
And to be fair, you may not need all the things, just a good amount
Having a match of psychological traits whether it is similar or complementary
Being understanding towards each other
Thinking of each other when you make certain choices
Caring for one another
Connecting through physical, emotional, psychological, as well as conversation and spiritual if possible
And this isn’t exhaustive by the way
I will sum up into two main things
The foundation of the relationship, and choosing to love each other every single day
Also, I don’t think true love will find you, rather you create it or manifest it
Whether it is to resolve your negative patterns or issues, or to choose who you want to be with
After all, every day is Valentine’s if you found your soulmate, isn’t it?
So, better to create the relationship you want, rather than to blindly stumble through the forest
Happy Valentine’s Day~ <3
