A Secret Of Love

OMG What? 

Is this the secret of love??! 

No not really no…

That’s why I said a secret of love, not the secret of love 

Hahahaha

Anyway… why am I talking about this?

You see, I have had clients who came to me for relationship issues 

Which you can read about my sharing about it here 

And while I was thinking about what to write for this blog 

I got an inspiration of love from my love 

Awww… 

So yea, that’s when I decided to write about a secret of love 

And this is actually pretty key 

By the way, there are many secrets of love 

From understanding each other’s values 

To how to communicate 

And more 

And in particular

Today’s secret is about the 5 Love Languages 

Now the 5 Languages of Love is something that is pretty powerful 

And can be used in relationship, friendship or just general interaction 

But mainly it’s used in relationship with your loved ones 

You can use it for or on your staff or with your colleagues too 

Just know that it has slightly different applications 

Gary Chapman wrote about it in a book back in 1995 and it’s still pretty relevant today

But what is it used for?

Generally speaking, the 5 love languages help people understand themselves better in how they show love and how they receive love 

And yes, not everyone loves the same way 

And even the way they give or show, and the way they receive, could be different 

And this is a really powerful secret of love because it helps you understand how a conflict might arise 

Or how people might drift apart after some time 

It’s because the love languages of both people are not the same 

But first, what are the 5 Languages of Love?

1. Physical Touch

Physical touch is pretty straight forward

It’s basically almost anything to do with touch

But before you go into intimacy, we start with basic touches 

So these are handshakes, pat on the back or head, rubbing shoulders etc

Followed by more intimate ones like hugs and kisses, and of course, sex 

If your partner has the love language of physical touch

They will enjoy something like hugs and kisses, the occasional rub on the shoulder or back, etc  

Hopefully this sorts of makes sense hahaha

2. Gifts of Appreciation 

Next is gifts of appreciation 

This is also quite straight forward 

Essentially, someone whose love language is gifts of appreciation will enjoy gifts and presents

If your lover is someone whose language of love is gift of appreciation

The ladies will enjoy gifts of food like chocolates, flowers, jewellery etc

While the men might enjoy gifts of watches, ties (if they are into more office wear), shirts etc

3. Acts of Service 

This is an interesting one 

Acts of Service is basically doing something for someone they love and generally do not expect anything back in return

So it can range to house chores, creating cards or items, buying food etc 

As long as they are of service or help their lover in one way or another

That’s how they show their love 

4. Words of Affirmation 

Words of Affirmation if the love language that involves language itself 

Most of the time, the person has to say words that affirm love 

For example, someone with this love language might prefer calls or meet face to face and say, “I love you” 

Of course, as technology advances, perhaps a text of “I love you” might be enough too 

Having said that, other possible phrases include, and not limited to 

“I treasure you”, “You inspire me”, “Thank you for today”, “I love how you are so thoughtful”, etc

These words or phrases affirm some good quality or something good, as you might have noticed 

People with this love language need this or they might feel unloved over time 

5. Quality Time 

This might be easy to fulfil and yet tricky at the same time in my honest opinion 

This is because quality time might be interpret differently between different people 

The difference between going on a date and playing on the phone or going on a date and communicating with each other 

Other that that, quality time is to spend time with one another and usually with an experience or connectedness 

So now what?

Well we all have a bit of each of the 5 love languages but we do have a preference for a couple 

You can go and search online if you want to figure out your own (if you haven’t already)

Having an understanding of the 5 languages of love and understanding that people might have different ways of giving and receiving can help you in the long run 

Here’s an example 

Say there is a couple, Mary and John

Mary shows her love by cleaning the house and cooking for the family, however she receives love by words of affirmation 

Yet John comes home everyday and just complains about work, he occasionally buys gifts for Mary but his way of receiving is physical touch 

What could happen?

John might feel there isn’t enough intimacy and seeks it outside while Mary feels unloved and unappreciated for the work she has done 

That’s where trouble can start huh

So having such an understanding can help you in more ways than one in your relationship 

If the love languages are not aligned, it’s not the end of the world 

Just be more understanding and do more of your partner’s language of love 

It takes 2 hands to clap too so I hope your partner will reciprocate by showing you your kind of love too 🙂

Oh yea, the above might seem like it’s only for couples but if you are dating or courting and you managed to figure out your partner’s love language, you can do it too 

One more thing, you might notice that certain things might overlap into different love languages 

For example, sex might be physical touch, quality time, and some might say it’s an act of service!

So just be aware yea?

Til then, good luck my friend!