Ok this seems funny right like why have communication breakdown right?
Think of it as if you learn what can cause a communication breakdown, then you can recognize the signs to rectify and recover
Smart right? hahaha~
And there is a great NLP Presupposition when it comes to communication
An NLP Presupposition is a assumption or belief statement that help us understand ourselves and the people around us better
“The meaning of communication is the response you get”
Now remember, communication is two-way
And what this suggest is that sometimes, how you are saying is causing the response from the other party
Sometimes!
So if you notice the same issue happening in your communication with a lot of people…
I’m sorry but maybe you, or how you are saying, is part of the problem~
So these 6 ways can be applied to yourself, or to the person you are conversing with
1. Using jargon
You’ll be surprised how often this is a big problem in communication
Like sure you can use jargon within your own industry, or maybe with your colleagues
But you can’t use such industry specific words with other people who might not know what is it
And to be fair, some people might use jargon just to sound smart!
Now if they are doing that, you know they have another problem 😉
And since you are reading this, it means you want to improve your communication skills!
So you got to simplify, or explain what it means first
Before using it later
I kinda like to do a bit of both
Using simple language to explain, before I introduce the term
Or share the term then explain what it means
For example if I want to explain what is hypnosis all about to a kid, then I will share how the conscious is logic and the unconscious is emotion and imagination, and that connecting them will be considered a mild trance
Now if you are not sure if the words you are using is considered jargon
Consider the word whether it is only taught within the industry you are in, or not
And I will suggest that if you are not sure, simplify it anyway!
Sometimes I like to think of the person who is listening is a child, and I’m educating them
And no, this is not looking down on their intelligence
Rather this is to ensure that anyone listening will be able to learn as fast as possible
Which can link with point 2
2. Expecting repeated information in the same way to get through
Let’s face it, you probably met people who said something which you didn’t get, and they repeated it in the same manner
If you didn’t get it the first time, will you get it the second time?
And no, waiting to the tenth repetition will sound like nagging halfway through hahaah~
By the way, if you notice you do this, well… its time to change!
If you just shared something and they didn’t get it, you have to change how you share
I recall my Sec 3 math teacher repeating herself over and over and expecting the class to get it
They didn’t…
I got it but I sort of self study math
So some of my classmates end up ask me to teach them after school instead
Naturally the class didn’t like her very much
Which can happen if you are someone who repeat the same thing over and over too!
To help you with this, think of what you are sharing from another angle if possible
For example if you are explaining a science experiment, visually this is what you might observe
Another angle will be chemically within the experiment, or physically or biologically if it involves a live subject
Perhaps you want to share website SEO to your family, and you could explain its like advertisements and getting Google to rank your page higher
Or internally, its to ensure the bots and people find what they are looking for in your website
So a change of perspective is one thing, using a different sensory language is another!
3. Being really dry and technical
Naturally, you might lose them in such a situation so once they zone off that’s it
Not necessary communication breakdown but it does have a hand in it!
To be fair, if the person you are conversing with enjoy such conversation, then its fine~~
But most people do not
This is where you need to spice things up!
There are a few ways
Telling a story, like when I shared about my math teacher, is one way to share an idea in a case study context
It can pique their interest, or help to prove a point
Of course, you might resonate with the story too, like it happened to you back in school!!
Then you really learnt it didn’t you? XD
Using a metaphor will also spice things up!
I won’t tell you where is it
Go and spot it~
Another way to do it is to involve the person or persons
Getting them to share their own story or even roleplay if its possible
Of course, that does seem like a teaching element
Also, you probably got to learn a bit of body language
Unless you can read their eyes and tell when they are glazed over and lost because you were too technical
4. Assume they already know
This is a big one isn’t it?
A lot of people assume the other party already know so they don’t share in full detail or don’t say anything at all
Some think you are able to read minds even!
You know who I’m talking about 😉
Sad but true
There’s a bit of a joke with the word ‘assume’
If you assume, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’
I like the variation, which came from House MD
“When you make an assumption, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and some guy called ‘mption'”
That’s hilarious~
In this case, sometimes to clarify whether they really know what you are about to say, you can consider asking a question about it and see whether they know of it or not
Heck some people assume you are able to catch everything they say and they just say once and leave you be too!
So sometimes, after sharing, its good to clarify whether they truly understood what was mentioned
When I was an intern in a childcare and teaching or sharing something to the kids, I like to ask them whether they got it and whether they can explain to me
In fact, if something goes wrong, I like to ask the kids what just happened too
This is because I do not want to assume the kids know what went wrong
Getting them to articulate from their point of view, allows you to understand whether they know or do not
And if they do not, you can then explain
In fact a lot of people just assume the kids got it right?
That’s how communication breakdown can happen too
5. Stress or emotional state
This is unsurprisingly since its pretty common to see communication breakdown when the person is highly stressed or emotional
Either they don’t share enough about what’s happening, or they go off on a tangent and you can’t get a word in edgewise
If you are “guilty” of doing this often, take a deep slow breathe and hold it for 3-5 counts then slowly let it go
Yes, calm down before sharing again
And if its the other person being in such a state, you cannot react
You got to remain calm and guide them through deep slow breathes to calm down and repeat clearly
Naturally this is easier to do face to face, over text it ain’t easy lol
The difference is that you can just wait until they throw everything out, and slowly read which can potentially help them to calm down
Give them the pause they didn’t know they need
Also, if they are in such a state, anything you say can be potentially misconstrued and tainted with their emotional perspective
That’s why some people who are angry, if you tell them to calm down, they get angrier cause they think you making them angry or something
Like an overblown balloon ready to pop so you got to tread lightly
Hence why a non-reaction is so important
And this is closely linked to the next thing
6. Own internal issues
Sometimes its the internal issues that is causing the emotional state
Yet this can be its own category because sometimes, those internal issues can be limiting or negative beliefs instead
And such beliefs can also taint what you are sharing
Since the essence of what you want to share is now seen through a different lens, they do not understand from your point of view
The thing is, such issues unfortunately require professional help
So unless you learn some techniques on how to find those issues and resolve them
Then you need to find someone like myself, with similar skill set and techniques
Provided of course, you recognize you have such issues and want to resolve them
So if your friend is the one with such limiting or negative beliefs, but they do not see it or want to change
Then honestly, no one can help them
For example I once met someone working in the social media industry and she claim that its common for such companies to be scolding and have verbal abuse, which is why she does it to her partner
Just because it is common, it doesn’t mean it is right to have verbal abuse on your partner though
Her partner wasn’t in the industry either so how does it make sense?
Also, I have met other people working in the same industry and they do not verbally abuse at all (to my knowledge)
So we can see that she might be using such a belief to justify her verbal abuse, and of course, whatever the partner want to share will get lost in her abuse because she sees his words as an attack
Due to the same belief of verbal abuse being common
How to not have communication breakdown?
I honestly like to keep it simple to reduce communication breakdown from happening
Say what you mean, mean what you say
Explain fully in details when possible
Share a case study or story if necessary to keep things interesting
Be calm and non-reactive in any situation
Clarify if not sure
Recognize that you may have some issues if it persist and resolving those issues is key
Although if its the other party with issues, well, it depends on whether the relationship is something important to you or not, and whether they do heed your advice, or just DARVO back at you if they are a narcissist
And if they have issues and don’t want to resolve them?
Just let them be if they decline your help
You can’t save everyone, and if they don’t want to have a proper communication with you, then that’s alright
People have choices and they have made theirs
