And just in time for Valentine’s Day hopefully
In my line of work, I have met with clients who has broken up with their partner and need some hypnosis to resolve their emotions about the breakup
And naturally, after resolving their issues, they can have a better time finding a better relationship partner
Here are some issues some clients come to me for:
a. Poor relationship patterns
A pattern is something that repeats over and over and over again. One way to tell if something is a poor relationship pattern i to ask yourself, “Where have I seen this before?” and if you realize that most or all of your relationships have similar stuff appearing, that you might have a poor relationship pattern.
Some examples include (and not limited to); entering into abusive relationships one after another, ending the relationship at a specific time eg 3 months, falling into a repeated timeframe, etc
b. Communication breakdown
This is quite obvious when both parties find that they cannot understand each other nor communicate effectively. It could be a pattern like above but if it’s only with one other person, it could be the one below. Having said that, it could also stem from one’s beliefs about relationships.
c. Mismatch of relationship values 
This is when both parties have different values that do not match. Values are things that we hold important to us and when the values of both parties do not match, the situation is usually not the best it can be.
Some examples of values mismatch between both parties is; one values openness and the other values secrets; one values togetherness and the other values personal time. This is not exhaustive.
While it is ideal to have both parties realign their values together, it may be possible for one person to align their values, just that she or he might initiate a breakup upon realizing that values might not be met in the current relationship
d. Getting over a breakup
This isn’t easy I know and yet, you know you need to overcome and move on before you can find a new relationship, don’t you? Carrying extra baggage will not allow one to find another partner. Resolving the emotions about the past will allow you to move on to find a better partner.
e. Self love
The key here is if you do not love yourself, how can others love you back? Self love is so important. Just think for a moment, without self love, will that person be more likely to stay in an abusive relationship? Probably, isn’t it?
If one loves themselves, they will always seek the right positive people to be with.
So now what?
If you find yourself questioning or even realise you have one or two of the above issues, then you need to set some proper relationship goals:
1. Open communication
Pretty straightforward right? Yet it might not be easy especially if there was a lot of anger that came out before. Set a time, and say you want open communication. Be brave and be willing to share. Communicate openly and say what is in your heart. Also, listen.
2. Realigning of values
Both parties got to do this together. Take a piece of paper and write the question at the top, “What’s important to you about a relationship?” then practice open communication and talk about it after you wrote 10 or 15 relationship values.
(In fact, we have a full exercise here)
3. Move on
Letting go of the past isn’t easy ether. It’s about forgiveness, love and facing reality. It’s not about forgetting mind you, forgiveness is more about letting the emotional baggage go. Accepting that the love you felt may not ever happen again, and yet, new love can come once you are ready to move on.
4. Self love
How does one show love to oneself? Various ways actually. Taking care of your health for example, and putting yourself first. For example, you are tired and yet your friends invited you out for a party, if you are too tired to go out, stay at home and rest, politely decline. Exercising sometimes helps, as well as eating the right food. Find a hobby and have a favourite activity. You are not a robot that goes “work work” so enjoy having some interests!
5. Seek help
If worse comes to worse, seek help from a professional. Especially if you notice some relationship patterns that are not very good for you. Find someone who know how to help you and clarify any doubts you have before taking the step towards change and having a health loving relationship.
And hopefully before Valentine’s Day
But you know what?
Even if you miss it, so what?
The most important is you resolve the stuff you want to resolve 🙂
And love yourself well
Happy Valentine’s!! 🙂
